Sunday, August 25, 2013

Over Thinker? Yes I am.

I don't know what is going on with my husband and I don't think there's much I can do about it. I've told him to go to web sites or do some Internet searches so we can be on the same page but he has yet to do so. Does he not want to because he's worried about what he will see? Does he just not want to read (he is not a reader)? Does he think he knows what do to? Maybe he does know, but I doubt it. Maybe that's what is getting to me, that I'm doubting him. I know he knows a little about this but not all he needs to know. Right? Hell I don't even know all the work that goes into this so how can I judge? Is it possible to want something without knowing what goes into it to reaching the end goal? As I type this, I do believe it is possible. About a year ago I decided I wanted to run. I thought all I had to do was put one foot in front of the other but it is much more than that- I think the same can apply to this. Sorry to get off track, I'm just writing down what I'm thinking as I'm thinking it, lol. The thing is I want to search every website, blog, and buy every book but I've stopped myself from going very deep. I don't want to compare what my husband does or, probably more correctly stated, what he does not do, to what someone says he should do. This is for him to know and me to find out. Does that make sense? I don't need more information in my head, I need him in my head. Is that wrong? Should I be more informed? 

On my last post, Subrina asked me if I would resent my husband if he decided not to do this. I don't know the answer to this. I would like to think I wouldn't but going off what I'm feeling now, I'm not so sure. I will stand behind what I said though, I do not want this without him. I can live without this...I can... I think I can. 

Ugh! I need to know what he is thinking!!

How is he going to figure out what he thinks if he doesn't read about it? I sure as hell can't explain it all to him. 

Am I in too big of a hurry? I'm sure I am. It hasn't even been a week since I told him. He has told me to do a few things outside of our bedroom "activities" and I have done my best to do them without any complaints to show him I can do this and I want to do this. I think he might be testing the waters to make sure I'm serious. 

Another thing that has been getting to me, is that he jokes around about it. I'm going to do my best to explain this but without knowing us I don't know if I can. We joke, we make fun, we call each other names (all in fun), it is what we do. He will say something ridiculous and I tell him he's a doody head and vise versa. Usually, I'm a doody-head-face-girl :). I know it's childish but it makes me smile just talking about it. Getting off track again. Point is, him joking about this is not surprising, it's what we do. For me this is different. I feel vulnerable. I have told him more than once that I need him to be serious and when he jokes around I feel like he's making fun of me. 

Hold the phone! I think I might be on to something here. He is making fun of me! Before you get the wrong idea, he is not being mean. This is all coming together now. How to explain? Let's see. There are quite a few things that I once disliked but now I might be a little fond of. With each change in me, my husband has made fun of me! Some of these things he has wanted for years. It goes something like this:

"You like it! Hahahaha! I knew you would like it! Heheheheh!" At this point he usually smacks my ass or points at me and laughs.
I get defensive and say, "I do NOT." I pause while realizing I can't lie. "Okay, maybe a little." My eyes go right to the floor every time.
He laughs while saying, "That makes me happy" and/or "I like it a lot," and then the biggest grin stretches across his face.

It really is a great thing so I let him have his fun. 

What if that's what he is doing now?!! HE IS MAKING FUN BECAUSE HE IS HAPPY!!! I DONT KNOW WHY I'M SCREAMING! Holy shit! I think that's it! It has to be! I can't believe I haven't seen this until now. This whole time I've been wrapped up in myself and didn't stop to pay attention to him. *smack forehead*

See! I totally need this blog. I feel so much better. I'm going to tell him about it tonight.


  1. Misty!!!!!
    OMG girl......I think anyone of us could have written this blog in the beginning.

    My hubby HATES to read, I've said that in many many blogs, so I took the advice of someone here in read and find stuff that would help him out, or stuff that you think he would like. Send him a link in an email or text, sit down at the comp and read together. Tell him about stuff you have found.

    BUT...1 thing I have learned, you can't overwhelm him. You absolutely need to take things slow and at his pace.

    (HAHAHA look at me telling you what I've been told from the beginning!!!! lol)

    They need time to process what you're asking of him, he needs time to think about what or how he is going to do this, if he can or wants to do this.

    We (the wives/subs) have done research, we have read, we have looked up stuff, we have reached out to other subs in blogland. All they have is us asking them to do this, completely blindsided. Just as you are learning, he is learning too. Just because you have asked him to do this doesn't mean he is just going to jump in the role and all of a sudden know HOW to do or WHAT to do. Give him some time and keep communicating!

    My hubby explained it to me like this.....
    He is just learning how to ride a bike. He needs training wheels to keep from falling off. Once he gets comfortable with the training wheels he will take them off. He will be pretty wobbly in the beginning until he gets used to balancing and riding without them. But once he has learned to ride without them he will be on his way.

    I hope I didn't ramble too much and that what I said helped a little. Good luck to you Misty (and Hubby) and keep reaching out!

    Subrina <3

    1. Subrina,
      Thank you so much! I will do my best to follow your advice. I'm sure I will fall off the bike too, lol.


  2. Beginning stages for my husband and I as well... However we had a few bondage related stuff for a while. When I finally asked him if we could x add more D's into our relationship I was worried how he would respond... It was baby steps for a bit. Still taking steps together and he's now starting to get the picture. Try not to stress and I hope everything turns out great. There's always issues I just ask advice from others, and that has helped out immensely.

    1. 2009dag,
      I have hope that everything will turn out exactly as it should but I'm soooo stressed out, lol! It does get better everyday and for that I'm very happy.


  3. Hi Misty
    I'm the researcher, P generally doesn't unless he is looking for something specific. It means I'm thinking big steps and he is happy with little ones. I try not to stress about it, but it can be frustrating. You're opening paragraph talks to me so much!
    I've come to the conclusion if P is having fun, he will do it. So though I'm looking for something more serious, I have to accept it is about relaxation for him, not effort. remind myself, if he is happy, then so am I... isn't that what its about? Connecting and being closer together.
    Good luck and keep blogging!

    1. DF,
      You are right it is about connecting and being closer! I really need to remember that. Now that I figured out that he is happy I'm going to make a point to be more laid back and go with the flow. I don't know if I will be successful but I will try.

      If he is happy so am I. If he is happy so am I. If he is happy so am I. If he is happy so am I. If he is happy so am I. If he is happy so am I.


  4. To me this seems like something heading in the right direction.
    Good luck!

  5. I completely agree with Subrina. Just remember...this is something that is going to take quite a while to develop. Try to be patient as your husband has a whole lot to process and he can't do that in a day, a week, or even a month. It will take time as he develops a vision moving forward for the two of you and it's important that he builds confidence in himself and trust from you.

    1. Patience is sometimes hard for me but now that I see that he is happy I feel like I could go at whatever pace he wants to. Hopefully that won't change but if it does I will try to remember yours and Subrina's advice.


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