I have come to realize a couple things.
First, is that I am completely okay with whatever my husband wants to do or doesn't want to do with this. I'm not saying I won't have fantasies, I'm saying that I don't want it if he doesn't. I do not want any of this without him. If he told me today that he would not take this further I would be disappointed and probably hurt but it's not D/s (or TTWD- whatever you want to call it) that I need, it is him that I need. I would be lost without him.
Second, I can't keep posting here without telling him. I haven't told him because I didn't want put so much on him all at once. Now, I feel like I'm doing something awful behind his back and I can't do it anymore. This realization is hard to deal with. For the first time in 20 years I'm not able to talk to my best friend and this has helped fill that void. Writing has truly helped me- I'm surprised by this because I'm a reader not a writer. I don't know when I will tell him but I want to do it soon because I think I stopping would be detrimental to my sanity.