Thursday, September 26, 2013

Before

Mr. S is very opinionated. Very opinionated. So much so that he tells me how the dishwasher should be loaded, how clothes should be washed, that every single driver needs to take drivers ed again (myself included), if he could he would tell the neighbors how to mow their yards, I could go on and on. There are very few things that he doesn't have an opinion on, so few that I'm having trouble remembering what those things are. I also think that I should make it clear that these opinions are not really opinions they are facts and they are the right only way, but for this post we will call them opinions. This is the man I married. I love this man. His opinions are not the problem.

Up until now I've blown off these opinions...

Oh you want me to put the bowl into the dishwasher like this? No, I don't think that's the best way. I'm going to load it like this. Then, I would disregard "the look" and would go about by business. 

Today, I told Mr. S multiple things that I thought he should change. I wanted to explain that when he does these things, the way he does them, that it creates more work for me. It didn't come out that way. I sounded ungrateful. He confirmed how I sounded by going through everything he does to help me all the while implying that I should be doing most of these things myself. I agree with him but I got defensive anyway. The problem is that when I do them I never do it the right way. When I do things I normally don't do I get all excited and I get a big head. I deflate when I get a "You should have done it this way" or "Why did you do that when I wasn't at home" or the worst "You should have just left it." To solve the problem I just stop doing those things. So, here he is complaining that I don't do these things but yet when I do them he complains about how I do them. I can never win! 

Back to topic. I told him that I will do these things but he needs to tell me exactly how he wants it done so I can do it properly. It sounded nice in my head but it came out like I was being a smart ass. I didn't want to offer in the first place (because it goes against my grain) and I was frustrated, so that's just how the words came out. 

He said somethings that hurt, true things. True things always hurt the worst. 

Something in me has switched. I care. I want him to be happy, more than I have ever wanted it, and it hurts that I don't make him happy. I feel like crap because I'm not able to do it right and the worst, most degrading part, is that he shouldn't have to tell me how to do it. He shouldn't have to because he has been telling me for years, I know what he wants, but yet I fail. 

This is new for me. Before I didn't care.

Before.

16 comments:

  1. you don't fail...you are just still learning how to perfect it. the fact, you care now so that will make a world of difference when you attack the task now. good luck...you can do this!

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  2. I can really relate to this post. I knew he had opinions but didn't care much so he rally speed expressing them. Now that we live in this dynamic he seems to be much more confident in voicing his opinion in everything. I am learning not to take it personally but it's quite an adjustment and really requires biting the tongue ALOT:)

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    1. I'm going to need more practice not to take it too personally and to keep my mouth shut. I swear, my mouth is going to get me into a lot of trouble down the road if I'm not careful.

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  3. Sorry...typo. He really stopped expressing

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  4. What is it with men and dishwashers! I daren't pack ours, I always do it wrong. I generally only find out P's opinion on how something should be done after the event. So I can understand why you want to know up front. It's that communication thing again, how men see and say things and how women do.
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You're taking the time to find out and want to do things differently. That has to be pleasing, surely?

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    1. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Mr. S is not the only man that is a pro at loading the dishwasher!!

      I was trying to be pleasing but it came out ALL wrong. I need to get my mouth in line with my brain, lol.

      Maybe I am being too hard on myself, maybe.

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  5. DelFonte nailed it...what is it with men and the dishwasher...

    really mouse thinks to them it's a game or tetras or something like that...LOL

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  6. Mine tells me that I pack the dishwasher too tight to get all the dishes clean. It's funny how that is one thing they seem to all focus on!

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    1. I had no idea so many men care about how the dishes are loaded! Crazy.

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  7. I also have a pro dishwasher loader!!!!! I will try to do it and he will go behind me telling me "this doesn't go there, you can't put this here"!!!

    Do they learn that in school or something??

    Subrina <3

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    1. Hahaha! Maybe we should start a club, a "My husband tells me how to load the dishwasher" club.

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  8. The depth of your writing always makes me want to visit by your blog. I smiled at the beginning of your post, by the end I wanted to hug you! This journey that you are on, is not about perfection and certainly never about failing. Yes, learn how he wants certain things done and try to do them best that way but never be so hard on you ;)

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    1. I feel like I have no depth so thank you very much!

      "Not about perfection and certainly never about failing" I really need to focus on that.

      Delete

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