Saturday, I was expecting to be used and I was, just not in the way I expected. When does it ever happen the way we expect? (I'm debating on explaining in detail but I don't think I'm ready to share more of the deeper moments I have with Mr. S, yet.) What was so unexpected? I now enjoy something that Mr. S has been trying to get me to enjoy for quite some time now. Go me! It was intense. What is even more surprising is that, even though I was enjoying myself very much, most of the intensity came from knowing he was getting something he wanted. IT WAS AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC! Is that how all of you feel when you know you are pleasing?
Sunday, we did more of the unexpected and then we talked. Which put an even bigger smile on my face. He went online! After he tells me this he says,"It sounds like a lot of work." Not what I wanted to hear but at least he wasn't calling me a lunatic. I tried to explain that he is already half way there (well, in my eyes he is). He just has to unleash what is inside of him; it is there, I see it. I have never questioned if he could do this, the question has always been does he want to do this. I also got the courage to tell him that I want to be his and I want to be what he wants me to be. That led us to talking about punishment and "doing as he sees fit." Needless to say I think we are still doing fine.
Monday, I made a mistake. One I have made many times before, but now, obviously, things are different. We were driving, it was raining, he was zooming down the road, and I might have said, in a not so nice way, to slow down. What was I to do? He looks over at me and says,"You remember that." Oopsy! Later that night he brings it up. In all honesty, I thought he would forget about it and, being the honest girl I am, I told him so, he tells me that he never forgets he just doesn't say anything after the fact. Great, just great (can you feel my sarcasm?). I laugh because I really don't think he will do anything about it, he laughs back and says, "I think I'm close to pure euphoria right now." In my 12 years of knowing him, I don't think I have ever heard him use the word, much less when he is talking about himself. My heart beats with joy and stops with fear but I still didn't think he would do anything about it. Later, after we were done doing more of the lovely unexpected and being bitten in new places, which was pretty awesome, I felt quite brave and said, "I guess I should tell you how to drive more often." He says, something to the effect, that he hasn't taken care of that yet, and within seconds he was asleep. At first, I felt a little let down but then I got to thinking. Even though he didn't do anything he was thinking about it and isn't that a step in the right direction? Maybe he isn't ready for that yet. That step has to be a big one and as long as we are going in that direction I don't think I should be in a hurry to get there.