Friday, October 25, 2013

Just In Case

I was watching a cartoon with my girls this morning and something they were talking about sparked a thought in me, or a question really. 

Am I a hoarder of psychological walls? 

Bear with me here.

A hoarder holds onto many items for one reason or another, mostly, I would think, they hold onto an item because it has a sentimental value or just in case they might need it one day.

Is that what I've been doing with these walls, have I been holding onto them just in case I might need them one day? 

For instance, this wall of not needing, I haven't needed it since I stop talking to my dad 13ish years ago, yet it is still there, tightly locked away. I don't want to throw it away because what if I need it again. What if?!?!

I wonder if hoarders feel like I feel now, when people try to make them throw away their things. I am hugging this wall tight, screaming and fighting for it. I feel like part if me is being taken away against  my will. Except it is me that is taking it away from me. 

Am I aloud to put it in storage for awhile or do I really have to throw it away? Maybe I could add a door with a lock and give Mr. S the key, so he is the only one that can get through... or maybe it could have a lock and padlocks.... or maybe a lock, padlocks, and one of those fancy iris scanner locks. 

Would that be okay? Truly! I need to hold onto it, just in case.


18 comments:

  1. the question I ask is, .... the security is knowing it's there so ultimately does it take away from the security you should be placing wit Mr. S?...I like your analogy..wonder if that is what I'm doing with my self image issues.

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    1. I don't like you right now. Just kidding, a little. Lol

      I think you're right, I wouldn't be giving it all to him.

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    2. HS....GREAT question!!! I couldn't agree more!!

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  2. I am the queen of walls, built to last forever. And then Master came along, it wasn't easy and it took a while, but those walls were slowly coming down. Occasionally, i still find myself looking for them....but truthfully, life is much better without their heavyness. hugs abby

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    1. I might have to fight you for that spot as queen lol.

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    2. yeah sorry. i'm the queen of walls in THESE parts. thankfully, BIKSS is great about tearing them down. Abby's right. it IS so much better without tho...

      (she says, looking around at how much more work there is left to be done about them OTHER walls....)

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  3. Very insightful post. You gave me some things to really think about!

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    1. Thank you. Hope that if you have something you need to get rid of you're able to do so!

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  4. oh that's deep. and it makes SO much sense too, i think I do this too - hold on to walls 'just in case' because you never know, unlikely as it is, I *might* wake up one day and find husband has turned into someone scary, right?!

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  5. Misty Misty Misty!!!

    I love this post. It makes a lot of sense and you are probably right...you want to know they're there "in case" you need them. BUT, like I have said before, if you trust Mr. S to take care of you, you wont need those walls EVER! There will be no need to keep them "just in case". That is now Mr. S's job. He is now the one that will hold up that wall and be the guard of those walls.

    Let me ask you a question.....if you haven't needed it in 13ish years, since you stopped talking to your dad....then why would you think you would need it now or in the future? Obviously your dad was the reason for the wall. He's not in the picture anymore, so why hold that wall up? Let it go, be free! If there is ever a need for that wall again.....go to Mr. S!!!!!!

    Hugs
    Subrina <3

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    1. *sigh* Okay, I will keep working on breaking it down. :)

      And you know, I don't know why in the world I would think I would need it anymore. You would think after 13 years of not using it I would be able to let it go...

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    2. Its your saftey net. You know it will be there if you evet have to pull it out or put it back up. But now Mr. S is the keeper of that wall....you dont need it anymore.

      Im proud of you for trying...its not easy but thats why you have Mr. S and blogland to support you!!

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    3. sudden thought - maybe Mr S isn't so much the keeper of that wall now, but actually, he's now the wall? just a thought...

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    4. What an interesting thought, mamacrow! I'm going to think about that.

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  6. Hi Misty,

    Wonderful thoughtful post and I love the analogy. It's a tough one, those walls are so hard to break down, and there is the tendency to want to hold onto them in case we need them, but I have to agree with the others :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Ya' know, some walls have gone down as soon as I realized they were there, this one, on the other hand, is a doozy.

      I'm sure many more would agree with everyone else too.

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