Monday, November 11, 2013

Screw Time

I have had an itch to write about something but now that Master reads my posts, I'm reluctant. I knew this would happen. It's not that I don't want him to know how I feel, it's that I don't want him to think that I'm not happy or that he is doing something wrong. On top of that, I have already told Master what I want to say and he has a tendency to prolong doing what I want if I keep bringing it up.

That little voice inside me has a big mouth that she can't keep shut, and being the whore that she is I can't say blame her.

Maybe the problem isn't that I don't have what I want. Maybe the problem is that I do not know what Master wants. When I read all of your posts I see all these fabulous yet very different dynamics, and here I am wondering what our dynamic is going to be. I need direction. If I'm not going to get things like punishments and rules then I need to know. If he doesn't want anything to change from where we are now, I need to know.

Then again, I could just be frustrated that I'm not getting what I asked for, it wouldn't be the first time.





16 comments:

  1. Misty, I tell you this because I find myself struggling at the moment too. So I am saying it as much for you as for me:)

    Please stay focused on the progress that you have both made and most importantly remember that we all do have different dynamics...you said it yourself.

    I am sure that we all read each others thinking wow...that would be awesome. In reality there are parts of each that we would want and parts that we wouldn't. Some things we expose through our writing and some things we don't.

    For example, I seem to be on constant restriction from sex or it's handed it in morsels. When I am reading blogs about lots of crazy hot sex with multiple orgasms, I am truly happy for the other person but in the same respect I am like damn...I want hot sex too with lots of orgasms.

    In those moments, I have to take a step back and remember that my journey is my own and it's the journey that my Master has chosen for us. We are all here as a support system...to cheer you on in the good times and pick you up in the bad times.

    Your Master will find the path for the two of you...you only have to trust him:) It is not always for us to know or even understand the path.

    hugs

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    1. lol at wanting hot sex with lots of orgasms... I think that's something we all crave :)

      You are so right but it's just so HARD! I want to know! I don't need details just an idea, you know?

      Delete
  2. oh man, I so relate to this. I want to know exactly where i stand, in detail, including what would happen in any imaginable scenario -- like what if we suddenly had a sharknado? - and I want to know NOW and he just doesn't work like that, and doesn't want to either.

    And I get that, I do, and the whole thing he does of taking suggestions and doing nothing until I've forgotten all about it and then 'wham' suddenly I turn around and find we suddenly have all these protocols and he's doing all this stuff - well, that's fun, and really the best way to handle me in many ways.

    But my frustrated, over planning control freak is still running around inside my head at times, screaming with agony! I'm getting better at letting it go and going with the flow, which is how I want to be, but it's not always EASY, is it!

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    1. Yes, exactly! I need to plan this, I need to be prepared, I need to KNOW!

      I'm sure Master is going to be the same and wait for me to forget before he acts... damn him.

      Delete
  3. little girl, would that hot sex with a lot of orgasms be me? haha

    Misty. little girl is right. We all have different journeys. Mine right now is learning all about myself sexually through submission. In essence, cumming a lot. Also, Sir loves making my pussy betray my mind. Actually, i think if we saw each other more, denial would occur more than just the daily mandates here or there. i read some blogs and wish for that scene, that aftercare, that dynamic, and then remember i'm submitting to Him; therefore, the only priority is my well being and my needs. My wants are rewards given to me for being a good girl.

    i wish for more rules, more structure, more accountability. Slowly, it's happening. Sssslllooowwwlllyyy. i agree, again, with the advice above to focus on how far you have come along.

    In time, you will see a glimpse of the big picture. For now, try to embrace the moment and think of any initiatives you can do daily to help fulfill that need to submit. "Master, is there anything in addition you need from me today to help make your day better?", etc.

    Don't forget what created your Wet Paint post. :) It is happening just like you are wanting, maybe just not smacking you in the face yet.

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    1. A glimpse!!! That's what I need! Now! But I can wait to touch the wet paint lol

      I'm trying so hard to stay focused on now and how far we've come in this short time, although it may not seem that way :).

      Delete
  4. It took me a very long time to learn to live with the mantra....a submissive may ask, but it does not guarantee the answer she wants....the Master gets to decide.
    hugs abby
    PS..there are times I still need to be reminded.

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    1. I have a feeling I'm going to need lots of reminding, I am really used to getting my way...

      Delete
  5. Misty,

    Deep breaths.

    Are you on a time line?

    Just like any relationship, a D/s dynamic takes time to develop.
    It takes constant and ongoing communication.
    Do not compare where you are to where you "see" anyone else is, do not compare your relationship to anyone else's...a relationship belongs only to those who are in it.

    What do you want your dynamic to be? What does he want?

    Try to have patience in him and trust in yourself.

    And there seems to be a swirl of happy lovely posts from those of us who have been around for awhile, and that's awesome! And I know it might feel like, "How can I have that?"
    But most of us have shared the hard moments, too.
    It takes time.

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    1. Thank you Bleuame, I trust that you know what you're talking about.

      I think part of my problem is that I don't know what he wants. I really have no clue.

      I think time against me :)

      Delete
  6. Oh man Misty.....I could have written this post. Actually I did somewhat write this to a fellow blogger. She gave me the same advice that you have gotten here.

    Try not to focus on what you want or where you want this relationship to go. Try and focus on how far you've come....look at the big picture. Men don't work like we do. We want details, we want answers, we want things now. They like to think about things, they like to do things on their own time. Enjoy the moments that you have, the rest will come.

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    1. Thank you for your advice... I will try to follow it :)

      Delete
  7. All very good advice above. We all have our own roadmap, some of which is visible, a lot is unknown. I try hard to concentrate on the little bit of road directly in front of me, but it's tough because I'm naturally one who spends time thinking way ahead, into the distance, and I haven't a clue what is out there.
    Enjoy each day as it comes.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Sometimes I feel like I have no road, it's just an open field with lots of little trails that we could take, and only he can choose which one to take. It is so frustrating!!!! I want to scream "Go this way!" I guess in a way I have done just that, but he is just sitting back having a picnic, enjoying the scenery, and taking his time while watching me pull my hair out.

      Delete
  8. If you aren't getting what you want, you will continue to get frustrated. Sounds like you want him to take more control to make you feel more submissive. Let's hope he reads this post and the comments and starts to understand what you need and understand your relationship will be better if he gives you what you need. Good luck.

    FD

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    1. And there we have it lady's, in black and white, like only a man can do :)

      Thank you FD for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Of course I can't be sure that it would make our relationship better but I'd sure like to find out.

      Delete

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