Thursday, December 12, 2013

Cop-out

I feel like I should be better (it would take me a week to define my perspective of "better") and that I should be able to deal with things on my own, because I'm an adult. I'm an adult with the responsibility of taking care of, not only one but two, tiny humans. I make sure they're fed and watered, and of course there is the small task of preparing them for a great big world that is out there waiting to undo everything I'm trying to instill in them now. Before kids I worked in an office by myself and from home because my employer knew I was responsible, I never needed someone to stand over me to make sure I was doing what needed to be done, I just did it, on my own. Not to mention the life monstrosities that I've delt with on my own. 

So why in the hell am I having a problem now, with this?! 

Why can't I get over some measly sub drop on my own? Why can't I see it for what it is... and get over it? My husband has plenty to worry about, he doesn't need me sulky and bitchy. And that I am. 

Master even asked what was wrong and all I could manage to say is, "I don't know," which, I guess, is a step up from, "nothing," but the responsible thing to do is open my fucking mouth and tell him. I just can't. I can't admit that I can't do this on my own. 

So I'm taking the easy road and doing it here, which means that by the time he reads this I will probably be over it. 

I'm such a cop-out. Great. Something else to be proud of.

12 comments:

  1. stop! sadly, ask your feelings reflect sub drop-big time. If not mistaken, didn't you once tell me that if Sir couldn't handle the bad, which He knows occurs, then He shouldn't have agreed to this. no matter how much is on His plate. Maybe was Subrina. In amy case, it's good advice. Your need needs fulfillment now, abd unless you communicate it won't happen. Please go to Him. Just ask for a hug. Start there. In the meantime, ((hugs))

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    1. That is good advice, which means it's not mine, lol.

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  2. oh no (((Hugs)))) but sub drop is hormonal/endorphine drop - you know, it's a physical thing, like a cold or headache or an injured foot, surely he'd want to know?

    Poor Misty :( For me, I need lots of cuddles and reasurance and maybe a little treat like a long hot bath and a nice hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows on the top, a little gentle cherishing, to feel better xx

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    1. Mc kitten, he would want to know. I was being unfair and unreasonable. Not a proud moment.

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  3. Deep breath..because its not an easy thing to get over with on your own, and it is that bit more difficult with added factors such as looking after the family the home etc.

    Sometimes i need reassurance, just to be held in his arms, to be able to 'come down' and talk it out, sub drop really can be a bitch but its ok to say "i need you" alas i learnt the hard way it doesnt mean i can be a complete bitch lol

    x

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    1. Thanks tori. Sub drop is a bitch. Hopefully I have learn my lesson...

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  4. *Crosses fingers and prays that Blogger allows her to comment*

    You could
    just.
    Right now.
    Go tell him!
    Because, imho, if you don't admit that you can't do it on your own, you will eventually resent him for the fact that you are doing it on your own. Doing it on your own (for me anyways) always incurs/requires a certain amount of pushing away. And isn't that very much contrary to the whole point of whatever caused the drop in the first place?
    Telling him what's going on isn't the same as demanding he drop all and everything of importance to hold your hand--it's giving him information he needs to make an informed decision about your well-being.

    Feel free to hit me over the head with this comment next time I decide that logic must give way to irrationality and I'm grumbling about what an ass he is because I refuse to admit I can't do it on my own...

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    1. Ugh, lil. You are so right, and I knew you were when I read this yesterday but I couldn't open my damn mouth. I feel like a fool.

      He was being an ass! It wasn't me I swear! Lol

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  5. I agree with everyone here. Communication is the key. And HS, yes I did tell you that! But I still think it's good advice. If you trust him enough to walk this path with you then you need to be honest with him...ALWAYS! Trust him that he will take what you tell him and work on a solution. Just like I said to HS....he signed up for this. He knew what he was getting into. Trust him that he knows what he's doing, but you can't expect him to know what you're thinking. Communicate.....you will feel much better!

    {{{{HUGS}}}}

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    1. Subrina, I know I can't expect him to know what I'm thinking... but I do. Lol. I really want to forget this moment ever happened but I guess I have to learn some how.

      Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

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