Sunday, January 26, 2014

Completely Ridiculous?

Change is at the forefront of our lives at the moment, but there is something else, something more. I feel like we are teetering on a precipice. 

A precipice that has discipline on the other side. 

Of course we have what happened during Dear Guilt, which I consider a punishment -in fact, it is one that keeps on giving- but no need to linger there.

I have said this before, and I'm going to say it again, I want this. I want punishment to be part of our dynamic. I feel like it would make things... easier. 

Which might be completely ridiculous.

It's just that there are things that I'm not so good at without incentive, or so it seems that way.

I have tried to not sound so disrespectful but at times it seems impossible. Now let's say a belt came into the picture, or a dirty sock, it is a very good possibility that the impossibility of keeping my mouth shut might not seem so impossible anymore.

I do want to be pleasing and when I realize I have not behaved in a pleasing way, it does not feel good and I know I can be better. Now I realize that in order to change this behavior it will take time, maybe forever, and discipline is not the answer to all our problems, but I wonder if I would learn faster and be better if I had repercussions that include more than regret and guilt... I'm not saying that regret and guilt can't be effective.

It might not work how I foresee it working. It might not work for us at all. I might also be wrong about the precipice, we may not be there. It wouldn't be the first time I have been wrong but, obviously, I don't thing I'm wrong about any of it. 

Therefore, when Master tells me that I better not be bitchy when he gets home, I'm inclined to be as non-bitchy as I can be. 

Speaking of Master, here he comes now! Yay! Wish me luck ;)

14 comments:

  1. I think punishment will either work or wont and this is dependent on what the point of it is for?

    For example for us its about me being able to have that sense of resolution, to be able to put things right, i terrible for beating myself up otherwise and punishment gives me absolution.

    There does need to be a clear understanding of why one is being punished, we always discuss beforehand my behaviour, why i did what i did etc, how i could of behaved better, so the punishment itself is really just to 'clear the air'.

    For him its about instilling in me 'actions have consequences'.

    Good luck in talking this through, just be honest with why you think you need this.

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, tori. I absolutely want my actions to have consequences, but I can't be sure I would feel absolution... there's no way of knowing until we try, I think.

      I did share your comment, and the others, with Master. I appreciate you sharing how it works for you two.

      Delete
  2. Sounds like you are wavering on wanting the change and not sure of the change. Or did I read it wrong?

    Either way, I'm enjoying watching the growth in your relationship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hs, I'm not wavering on wanting it but I'm not completely sure it will work. I think it will, I hope it will, but you never know. And maybe part of me is holding back how much I want this in case Master doesn't like it. He is holding back because he wasn't raised to "beat" his wife, of course I'm asking for it (literally and figuratively) and I've pointed that out to him but...

      Delete
  3. I get what you are saying. Punishment was very much a part of our dynamic at first. There was a certain amount of change that needed to happen within myself to truly let go of my old ways and we found it was in swift and sometimes harsh punishment. Nowadays, punishment isn't so necessary. I am better at controlling my actions and behaviors simply because I want to. Good luck:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. little girl, yep that's it, that's what I want.

      I've been very careful these past couple of days, just because I "think" he might take action so I'm inclined to think that it wouldn't take much; if I "knew" he would take action I'm sure it would have a big impact. But I could be wrong.

      Delete
  4. Punishment is a part of our dynamic. In fact when we first started it was the main part of out dynamic. I think it can work....it has to be consistent and you have to know why you are being punished...and how to prevent it. Punishments are rare now.....but in know there is still the possibility.
    Good Luck
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. abby, that's how I hope it would work for us too. Not that I want it to be the main part right now, or ever :), but if it would help us then that's what I want.

      Delete
  5. Punishment isn't part of our dynamic, but sometimes we'll use stipulations or consequences - if you want to cum you have to do this, or if you can't wait you can cum but this will happen, for example. We've also used incentives in the past, usually around orgasms - eg if you complete these chores and get to bed on time you can cum.

    This works much better for us than punishment; I need talking for closure - punishment doesn't full-fill that for me, it just triggers resentment in me and de-motivates me from trying my best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd like to have talking for closure, too, but Master doesn't like talking. ARGH. When there's no closure, all of the hurts add up, and next time something happens, they get brought up again.

      Delete
    2. mc kitten, I get this. Positive reinforcement. I think that could work for us, but I wonder if it would be enough. Yeah, I'm just not sure. I'm trying to think of a way to explain...

      When I was in school, getting good grades was not at the top of my priorities (that's probably obvious), but when I did get a good grade it felt great and family always built me up (positive reinforcement) and sometimes I even got extras (money, gifts, etc.) and that was great but it was never enough to keep me motivated, I really didn't care because nothing happened when I got bad grades, sure I didn't get the extras but I didn't care about that. Now, Master opinion means A LOT more than my moms, and when he expresses his dissatisfaction it has an impact and I try to do better, but I don't feel closure, I feel like crap, like I'm not good enough, no matter how long we talk about it. Actually, the more we talk the worse I feel. I feel like screaming "Just spank me and get it over with." lol

      Delete
    3. right, that sounds totally logical - positive reinforcements are not enough for you, you need the dis-incentives too

      Delete
  6. Punishment is part of our dynamic, although it is not always consistent. For us it's about accountability and a sense of resolution ... resolving those feelings of guilt, remorse, disappointment and moving on. It does need to be consistent. When it's not, it leaves me feeling confused and unsure. I definitely need the discussion beforehand and aftercare. It just wouldn't work for me otherwise.

    Hugs,
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Roz. Consistency is something I worry about, I wonder if he would... I think he would once he became comfortable with the whole thing but I still can't be sure.

      I did share all the comments with Master so I hope he will take them all into consideration.

      Delete

I like views, but I love comments, so... say something, would ya'?