Monday, January 6, 2014

Dear Guilt,

I hate you. 


Master was doing something to me, I didn't like it, so I stopped him. *head hangs low*

Before D/s -or ttwd, or whatever it is that we do over here- this, unfortunately, happened more often than I'm willing to admit. *head hangs lower*

Anyway, after I stopped him, I was laying there feeling kind of frustrated -you know, because he did something I didn't want at that particular moment- yet I was waiting for him to change course and move on. And guess what the man did...

He freaking stopped! 

I mean, he stopped everything. Even his cock. Everything just stopped.

When I realized he wasn't gong to continue, I stopped to think, and this heavy feeling came crashing down on me. It was guilt... on a level I'm not used to. *sholders slump and head can't hang any lower*

I don't know how many times I said I was sorry. I tried to get him going again and failed... miserably. 

In my mind I see him slapping my face, or telling me I don't have a choice, or biting me, or... anything but stopping. Anything but stopping.

He made his point, and I'm reluctant to admit how effective it was.

Added note: this has nothing to do with this post.


  1. oh god. I've been there, huge ((((Hugs))))

    and yes. VERY effective *shudder*

    it was after this that I talked to him about safe words, so then I could whine and complain and he could know he was perfectly safe to check in, continue, whatever, as he pleased, that it was just the safe word that brought it all to a screeching halt

    Now, I've never needed to safe word to date, because he checks in often. Sometimes, when I say I hate it or it hurts in a not-fun-way, or whatever, he may carry on, he may adjust, he may pause, or he may stop - whichever, I know it's because that's what he wants to do and not because I'm being a - not sure what the word even should be - pain? nuisance? grumbler? whatever, you know what I mean!

    1. Thanks, mc kitten!!

      With this particular situation, he knew he could have kept doing exactly what he was doing. How I acted was not acceptable and he wasn't going to put up with it, so he stopped just like I stopped him.

      Master does a lot of checking in, however, we have not talked about safe words and we definitely need to!

  2. Oh yes, guilt...Nothing quite like that particular brand of it, is there?
    On the bright side, it does encourage one to do different next time...

    P.S I will happily sign on to your hate mail!

    1. Ugh, lil. I feel dreadful! Encourage it does.

      I will sign you up :)

  3. ((Hugs)) Misty, yep, guilt sucks. I think we all have times where it becomes too much in the moment, and I also think our guys know this.


  4. Ahh misty been here as well.

    The guilt is horrid but it does fade, you know i firmly believe that in order to grow mistakes have to made, we learn from them, not just us but the dominants as see it as a learning curve...and most of all growth.


    1. tori! So glad to see you around. You've been missed!

      I hope it does fade, along with the nauseous feeling I get when I think about it. I think you're right though, and I think it had to happen at some point so I'm glad it happened now and not further down the road.


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