Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It's Not Okay, But It Will Be

Master will not be receiving this post. I just need to get this out and move on. He knows how I feel about all this and having him read this would only... I'm not sure what it would do, but it wouldn't be helpful.

We were talking last night -after we did some really fun stuff- about random things and some how we got on the subject of me not doing what I'm told, which turned into us talking about punishment. 

I need to make a couple things clear. We have talked about punishment before (multiple times), he knows why I want it, why I think I need it, etc., and I have tried really hard to be clear about those things. I shared all of your comments on my last post, so he knows how it works, or doesn't work, for others. We are also going through an extremely stressful time right now, he has a lot on his plate, he is worried about being able to provide for his family (he does a wonderful job providing but, you know, men will be men). 

He feels like I should do what I am told, the first time he tells me. And the thing is I should... but...

I explained that I don't mean to forget, I don't mean to be disrespectful and unpleasant, and I need help.

Bottom line, I'm going to have to figure it out on my own (his words, "help yourself."). If I want to make him happy then I need to figure out how to behave and act without discipline, and I will do that because I do want to make him happy.

Not that punishment is never going to happen but, at the moment, it is not looking good. So, I guess, my last post was wrong.

I have to go. I can't talk about this anymore...


  1. Misty, to be honest, this expectation that you should do what your told the first time everytime is unrealistic, and will put a lot of pressure on you, which in turn will lead to frustration.

    I have been doing this a long time, so you could say by now i should be this perfectly obedient slave, that does what she is told immediatley without question....umm yeah right. Im human, i make mistakes, i misunderstand, i get stroppy, i speak before i think about what im saying, i have bad days, i have periods, i can get emotional, angry etc etc

    The point im making is that as much as i strive to be obedient, there are other factors that come into play that contribute to my behaviour, the most important thing is the dominant needing to understand where the disobedience has sprung from....whats caused it? because for the most part submissives want to be pleasing so when they are not, there generally is a reason...unless its a bratty sub dynamic or playfulness.

    Now i dont think punishment is essential, it really is down to what works for the people involved, for me it works as explained in last post, but whats most important is the dominant being realistic in his expectations...and expecting perfect submission/obedience isnt realistic.

    feel free to email anytime if you want to talk


  2. There was a long period of time during which punishment was not part of our dynamic. Ttwd will work without it. It's...I guess it requires one to take personal responsibility for their own actions in a slightly more proactive manner, perhaps? It can be...tricky and frustrating

    You have my email--holler at me anytime.

  3. ((((hugs))))

    that whole 'he has so much on his plate thing' - yeah, I hear you xx

  4. Never say never,,,,and if He is stressed right now, it is best to drop it for a bit. I am thinking, at the moment His sees it as another thing He will have add to his to-do list.
    hugs abby

  5. abby is right, He is stressed. Right now, He needs you to step up and realize that He is having a difficult time.

    Flip side, it does not mean your needs are not important. Here it's my question. Is it really a need? I don't have an answer.

    I try really hard when Sir is stressed to be good. Granted, I've had a punishment session and a major maintenance is going to occur the next time. He believes in these, He feels when they are needed.

    Right now, Master needs you to be what He needs. It's hard, trust me. I've needed maintenance for awhile now. Fighting to be good is becoming difficult. I need the physical reminder of my place. I so get how you feel. It's tough.

    For now, just focus on being what He needs. And I do agree with tori. Perfection is not going to happen, and we need the corrective hand to help its push ourselves.


  6. (((Hugs))) Misty. I don't really know what to add to the great advice above. I do understand how you feel. It is hard without the consequences.

  7. just popping back to say - I had a thought.

    Could it be your responsibility to keep track of all infringements, which you then report at a weekly or monthly session? Because maybe it's the thought he has to keep track/on top of yet another thing that is stressful, but if all he needs to do is administer the spanking (or whatever) each month then that maybe easier for him?

    1. mc kitten, I think this is a great idea! But, physical punishment just isn't going to happen. However, I really like the idea of making notes about things I need to work on... yeah, I really like like that idea!


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