When things go wrong I tend to retreat into a space in my head. Different types of "wrong" send me to different corners of this space. The corner that I am currently, balled up in, is dusty and full of spiderwebs; it has been a long time... not long enough.
I had forgotten what it felt like -almost forgot it was there- but once I returned it was shocking yet a familiar feel. A warm blanket, complete with nails to hold it into place.
For the first time, in over a decade, I do not want to be me. I do not like who I am. I am usually able to hide the grime and filth that runs in my veins behind a pretty smile, but every once in a while it shows, and this time is no different from the others, it hurts. DAMN IT, I DO NOT WANT TO BE ME!!!
I feel the anger and hurt for having the cards I was dealt again, instead of accepting them for what they are--just cards that I happened to be dealt.
It is not fair!!
I just want to be... normal.