I really thought it was all over... well, everything but the kink.
It's not over. Thank the heavens!
In the past few days I have learned a lot.
The most important, we both need to work on our communication.
I also think part of the problem is that I have a hard time accepting that he truly wants this, so I am quick to jump to conclusions that proves he doesn't want what I want. But the thing is, he does. He really, truly does!
Yay, he wants to beat me!!
Lol, sorry, I couldn't resist.
Seriously, beating aside (because it has nothing to do with anything I am talking about here), he wants all of it and just knowing that has given me peace. He may not have had a childhood like mine but he is still just as non-normal as I am. We are two non-normals and that warms my heart.
Another thing I have learned is that I am not the same person. Despite thinking it was all over I couldn't stop "doing" for him. I tried but I couldn't stop. If anything it made that urge worse. I can't really explain it. All I know is that I cannot go back.
There is one more thing. It's pretty bad.
I need him even more than I thought and that is... really scary shit. Even scarier, I think that need will keep growing. And that is all I am going to say about that... for now... because I am not ready to explore that can of worms.