It's been over seven months now, since we started ttwd, and I think the biggest changes have evolved over the past month.
It's just starting to feel...easier.
Most of that has to do with me finally seeing that it has to be his way. If I want to belong to him, really and truly belong, I have to do things his way. Not just some things, all things. They are all important.
That sounds so simple when you put it in black and white, but throw a little, or a lot, of color into the mix -especially the color of "want" and "inadequacy"- and suddenly the simple turns into the complex.
I have grown to except these various colors. No, not except them. I have grown to appreciate them. Even "want" and "inadequacy" are colors I can appreciate because, despite them, Master is still here. Other colors I may not appreciate in the moment but, at some point, I am to see the bigger picture.
The bigger picture?
It brings me joy to have him paint my life with the colors of his liking.
Especially when those colors are of the "I'm going to bend you over the bathroom counter, play with your pussy how I see fit, and once I am done with that I will have your boobs, then I will walk away like nothing happened" variety.