I have been having this feeling of unease, not a bad unease, just unease.
I'm changing and I can't stop it. I don't want to stop it, which is part of the unease.
This nonsense of feeling a lack of attention is something to the unease. I am not lacking in attention, Master gives me plenty (even when he spends all this time watching sports), yet when he leaves for a few hours I feel like...something is missing...and that is scary. He has been playing poker on Friday nights for years--I used to enjoy my time alone, I could do whatever I wanted. Now, it is still the same routine, but it's not the same.
I felt like a lost puppy last night. Pathetic is what that is.
We also have this thing where he is limiting how I get is cock. Damn it, it makes me feel so fucking good. Like more of me belongs to Him, more than just my body, although my body is screaming pretty loud that it is His. I want his cock, I don't want him to limit me, I don't want him to tell me that he won't fuck me...but I do. Take this morning for example, gosh I was so freaking wet, dripping, just from him playing with my nipples -twisting and pulling, nothing out of the normal- and I...just couldn't help it! I had to have him, it was so bad. We were in the spooning position. I was begging and he was saying no, which made it worse. When I asked him to, "just touch my pussy," he pulled my legs apart and started slapping, that is not what I was asking for and he knew it. Then I was past begging and thinking. I reached behind me, pulled down his pants just enough to let his cock out, stuck it in my pussy, and started fucking him. At first, he just kind of laid there and let me. I don't even know if he was into it, I didn't really care. I was that needy. So embarrassing. I can't believe I acted that way. I know he could have stopped me, I would have, had he told me to, but still, that's not like me. I was extremely lucky he let me keep going.
I almost cried the other day when he pointed out what I didn't do, it wasn't that big of a deal, definitely nothing to cry over. It still hurt. I'm not sure Master noticed. I acted on the defense -like I always do- instead of agreeing like I should have done. I don't want him to be right! But he usually is.
There is more, but you get what I'm saying, right?
I'm losing control over me and that scary because I really like how it makes me feel.