Monday, May 5, 2014

A New Day...Thank Goodness!

Guilt and I are becoming such good "friends"--if this relationship gets anymore serious we are going to have to give the bitch a room.

You might think it gets easier to deal with after so much of it, but nope, it just gets worse. I'm not sure if I'm just more disappointed in myself or if Master is getting better at inflicting guilt, probably a little of both.

This weekend it reached a whole new level. A level that resulted in me asking  pleading not to cum. I didn't deserve it. Especially not four times. But he was making a point--he can do what he wants with me.

It's over now, but the shadow is still there.

I wonder if I will ever learn.

I have learned that the more I open up and allow myself to feel, the more vulnerable I am to getting my feelings hurt by others, so it's not just Master that can hurt me...yay. I guess I just need to be more careful about what parts of me I share.

But, today is a new day, and I will move on :)

5 comments:

  1. Misty, I really do get what you mean. I feel far more vulnerable in all my relationships. Hugs to you:)

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    Replies
    1. little girl, ugh, it sucks. Nice to know I'm not alone though! :)

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  2. Hi Misty, I get this too. I think the deeper we go and more connected we become we become more vulnerable.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Roz, I didn't expect to become vulnerable to everyone. I can handle being vulnerable to Master (though it is not without effort) but being this way with others...

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  3. i think i hate the vulnerability most of all. After dealing with my crazy mother for so many years, i perfected the "cold-hearted bitch". i don't like being vulnerable. i'm learning that it's ok and that He's not going to think less of me because of it.

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