After reading all of your comments on my last post, I see I'm not alone (thank goodness!) but I think I see part of the problem, or at least why this has effect me so much (I have been much more upset than I have let on)...
The way I learned to cope with the bad things that happened in my childhood was to avoid emotions all together; even happy emotions, because if you're happy that means it will hurt even more once that happiness is gone.
Months ago, Master and I were talking a little about this and he said something, I wish I could remember his exact words but it was something like, "It was like you weren't there." It's not like I was never happy, or never sad, I was just detached, not really letting myself fully feel the emotion but I knew it was there.
I think what is happening is, I have no fucking clue how to deal with all of these fucking emotions. They are just so strong, and new, and scary, and exciting, and...I just don't know how to control them. It's like I'm a freaking kid again. ugh.
Anyway, it is clear that this wall I put up as a child is now gone, which is a good thing, but now I need to learn how not to let these emotions get the better of me.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your comments on my last post! I will reply to them all tomorrow, I would now but I must go because Master is calling :)