Tuesday, June 10, 2014

A Struggle

The past couple days I've been struggling.

I want more control from Master, what happened on my birthday has me craving more. So, something that started out selfless has turned into something selfish (sigh).

I've been concentrating on all the ways Master is not controlling me, and failing to see how he is.

In turn, I've been temped to tell him how to control me. Because, you know, that works out so well (enter sarcasm here).

At least I see the problem in telling him how to control me, right? That's got to be worth something.

It's just so hard to let things be when I want something.

I really hate to admit this, but I'm finding that I want to test him (cringe). Like leaving the dirty dishes in the sink, so he might exert some sort of control, but I can't bring myself to do it (thank goodness!).

I'm causing problems, it doesn't feel good, but I can't seem to move past it.

Excuse me for a minute, I need to find a shovel.


  1. It is so hard not to top from the bottom sometimes but we must resist :) Perhaps you can sit and talk with him about the way you are feeling? ava x

  2. Sounds to me like nothing a good beating won't cure......
    hugs abby

  3. Do you realize HE is controlling you. Leaving a dirty dish to get His attention is counterproductive. He is controlling you, as you won't do it because you know that will not please Him.

    Instead, humble yourself, go to Him, get on your knees, crawl to Him, and ask for xyz. That is not topping from the bottom. That is expressing a desire. It's all about the execution.

  4. Hi Misty, I agree with HS, he is controlling you. Sometimes it can be hard for us to see the subtleties. Good for you not testing. Talk to him, let him know what you need.


  5. I hear you on this one! It is SO HARD! Good luck!

  6. It is difficult to resist the temptation. We want their attention, even if it means punishment. That's just part of who we are and we submit and need to be dominated and controlled.


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