Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Pushing Through

Before my last post, we talked--well, I talked, he listened. He knows how I feel, and that I want more.   And me, being who I am, knowing he knows and having nothing done about it, is driving me insane. I mean, how hard is it to stick a plug up my ass, or whack me a few times with the cane, or tell me to put on the corset, or tell me to shut up and get over it? Hell, at this point he could tell me to brush my teeth and I would probably calm down, lol.

But see, if he wanted to do those things, he would. It is his right to do or not do. And it's upsetting that I'm not okay with that, at this point in time.

I just feel like I have so much to give, and I'm left unused.

Sure, I could put in a plug myself -he would be pleased to know I did that for him- but I wouldn't get what I want out of that. I would feel no power/control from that.

I think, this time, I'm just going to have to work through it on my own.

I'm upset, but I'm okay--I know it will work out the way it is supposed to.

14 comments:

  1. Oh, I feel you on this one! I often ask myself the same thing. I know that if my husband came to me and said "I want/need this", I would do my level best to make it happen. Even if it wasn't my thing. I do MANY things for my husband that I do NOT want to do. Vanilla things, like spend hours at his work functions playing the "good wife". Sometimes I wonder why if I can do that for him (go against my introvert nature) why he can't tell me what underwear to wear. LOL! No advice except stay strong and carry on! And maybe focus on the fact that he IS controlling you in not giving you what you want???

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    1. Brooke, I think that is what I need to focus on.

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  2. (((hugs)))
    I still struggle with this a bit on and off. I'm sort of at acceptance at it, because at the end of the day, I've told him I want him to be in charge and be in charge how he wants and do what he wants. So if he what he wants is not to micromanage me most of the time, and give me some more attention here and there when he feels like it, then I guess I have to accept that.

    Not always easy though xxx

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    1. mc kitten, it isn't easy. But I 'really' don't want him to do anything he doesn't want to do...

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    2. no I don't either, but sometimes, I do feel like 'but I just want THIS! Why can't I have it?! No fair!'

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    3. Exactly, mc kitten! That's exactly how I feel. And I feel like I'm being so ridiculous because he's not really doing anything wrong, yet I still can't seem to get over it. ugh. I'm not being a very good sub...

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  3. Yep, so much more to give not being used. Maybe it is because He can only push you to the extent He knows He has control. Give Him time.

    I think I'd rather not be fully 'tapped' into so that I take the time to refine the level I am at so when progressed it is built upon a sturdy foundation.

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    1. Hs, time I have, patience not so much, lol. I'm holding it together though :)

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  4. I can totally relate. I wanted to embark on the D/s because I felt the need to be controlled and allowed to let go. This week alone I have asked to be spanked at least twice, maybe three times and no such luck. A few smacks on my ass while having sex but not what I needed. Sometimes I don't think he really gets how much I need it, need to be able to let go and release. Is that topping from the bottom or asking for what you need? Or...is it him controlling me? Or is it merely him not wanting to do it because he's not in the mood or too tired? So frustrating.

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    1. Spankingly, I do believe this is your first comment here! Thank you! And if it's not, then welcome back. :)

      I have asked myself the same questions, and I can't find the answers, lol.

      I do trust him that he will give me what I need (he hasn't let me down yet), and if he doesn't think anything needs to be done, then I need to move on.

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  5. ((Hugs)) Misty, I get it. As you said, if he wanted to do these things he would try and focus on the fact that he is controlling you, his way.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, thank you. I know you get it.

      Hug

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  6. Yes I agree with the others, try to focus on the ways in which he does control you :) ava x

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    1. Ava, thanks. I think all of you are right.

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