Friday, June 13, 2014


That's where I am, neck deep in quicksand.

It just keeps getting worse. And I feel so...fucking guilty for it.

Guilty because he's done absolutely nothing wrong, and still I'm upset.

I want more.

And I wonder if he does.

Because what if he doesn't?

I know these things take time. And I'm okay with time, really I am. I just have no clue what he wants, I don't know if he wants to control me to the extent that I've expressed I want. If he doesn't that is completely okay, really and truly it is, I just don't want to hope for something if it's not in my cards, you know?

And right now, that's what I feel like, I feel like I'm hoping for something he doesn't want.

But maybe he doesn't know what he wants, which is okay too.

Ugh. I've got to go.


  1. Replies
    1. thanks, little girl. It means a lot!

  2. Hugs...and sometimes take a deep breath and tell will be what it will be...
    hugs abby

    1. abby, thank you. I know what will be will be, but I sure needed to be reminded!

  3. (((hugs)))) does this feeling come upon you regularly? can you chart when? Just wondering, because certain points on my cycle tend to trigger similar feelings for me xxx

    1. mc kitten, I have felt this way before, though I'm not sure how often it has happened. Maybe I should start keeping track. It would be nice to know that played a part in it--like I'm not as crazy as I think I am.

  4. Sending big (((hugs))) to you

  5. Have you asked him what he wants?


    1. FD, thanks for the comment, it's been awhile since I've seen you around here.

      I have asked. And, you know, although he hasn't told me what he wants, he has given me no indication that he doesn't want what I want. I need to stop worrying about things, and stay focused...which is easier said than done :)

  6. Replies
    1. lil, I can't help but think I've said something close to that recently, lol. It's not so easy to do from the floor, but at least I'm sitting up now.

      Hope you're hanging in there!!


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