Thursday, July 31, 2014

I Am...

I think a thank you is in order for all your comments on my last post! They truly helped me/us with this and I will reply to all of them as soon as I can.

Master and I married five years ago, we were together eight years before that, and only one of those years has been D/s. We belong to each other, but I am his and I will always be his. When I first realized what I could have with him...it was like breathing fresh air for the first time in my nineteen years of living. I recognized that I could have the life I wanted with him, a better life than what I started with. I needed him in my life, and I still do. Starting D/s only allowed me to accept how much I need him. He is my fresh air I can't live without. I don't think he would ever want to live without me either, I know he loves me...much more than I deserve. There's not much either of us could do to make us want to go separate ways.

Limits, sure I have them. I'm not jumping off of any buildings for him--not sure he could even get me to the top of one. The whole "cut off an arm/leg limit" thing I've heard a little about, I would do that for him because he would never want me to cut off my arm unless it was threatening my life...you know, like if a zombie bit me or something. However, limits that involve kinky things, I'm wide open to suggestion, but if I really, really don't want to do something he won't make me, because there would have to be a good, verifiable reason for me not to do something he wants, and he knows that. Point is, I completely trust that he won't ask me to jump off a building, or eat a bug, or cut off my finger, or do something that would hurt me mentally or physically.

Choices, I have many choices. He has made it very clear he wants and expects me to do what he says, but it's my choice to do those things. No gun is pointed to my head. If he wants me to make myself cum while he and his dad are downstairs working on the hot water heater, I can choose to do that or not. There might be consequences if I don't, but it's still my choice. I choose to do what he says. I choose to not give myself an out. I choose to do what he expects. If he wants my body and mind, he's got it, however he wants it, and that's my choice. As far as life changing choices, he would never not ask me for my opinion--sometimes he agrees with me and sometimes he doesn't. As a family, we are a team and he is the leader.

It seems like everyone is in agreement that we get to pick what we are, I'm not completely sure I like that idea because I like to have a straight forward answers, but it is what it is. I'm deciding to adopt a theory that actions don't play into what I am--it doesn't matter what our rituals are, the amount of pain given and received, my limits or lack of, or if I have a collar around my neck or a plug in my ass. What matters is what is in my heart and mind--that I ache to be what he wants and do what he wants, that I yearn to be his forever, that my world would be less than nothing without him in it, that I get a great pleasure from pleasing him, that I'm willing to talk to him even when I really don't want to talk, that I will do what he says even when I really don't want to...you get the picture, right?

But, having said all of that -for no reason other than I wanted to say it-, I am his slave because he says I am (smiles so big it hurts). He says that I am his property, and who would I be to argue with that? And it doesn't matter if his slave has choices, and limits, and doesn't wear a collar, and writes he/him instead of He/Him, and calls him doody head, and is his partner for life, because that's who he wants his slave to be...and that's me!

So slave I am, however I don't think we are M/s yet. We just need more time to get there, but I really think that's where were going (smiles so big it hurts).

14 comments:

  1. This post made me smile til it hurt.....Master and i had sort of the same discussion today. We both know i would do whatever He wants.....there is also enough trust there for us to know...He would never harm me....and i always have a choice...nice place to be...
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, it is a great place to be! :)

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  2. THIS WAS PERFECT!
    loved this so much, thank you for writing it. couldn't agree more.

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    1. You are so nice!! Thank you sooo much, mc kitten!

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  3. I love the way you put this, "I am his slave because he says I am." Beautiful!

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  4. Well said!

    Feel better now?

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    1. lil, thank you! And do I ever!

      We talked about this once before--he said I was his slave then, but we weren't where we are now and I kind of dismissed it, I guess. Maybe because I thought he didn't understand? (Yeah, I know, I know)

      When we talked about it the other night, he said something along the lines of...he didn't care what others thought a slave was, that I was his slave, that I was his property, and that's all there was to it...and gosh it was good to hear him say that! And it just makes sense somehow...

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  5. You know the whole He/Him thing, is just bad grammar. Oh, I get where it came from. And I will do it in a middle of a block of text to distinguish but seriously, it doesn't make him any less of a Dom if I capitalize every word that pertains to him or not.
    Happy you got all of this worked out :)

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    1. Bleu, exactly! He is no less of a Dom if I use he/him--glad I'm not alone in thinking that. My best friend is a writer at heart (something else by day) and it would drive her crazy to see me use He/Him, lol. Not that my other grammar mistakes wouldn't drive her crazy as well, but ya' know, I try to keep them to a minimum :)

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  6. Oh, this made me smile, so big, all the way through. This is the feeling that I sometimes ache to share with my vanilla friends. The one that makes me think, "If only they knew this feeling." Bravo :)

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    1. Faerie, good to see you and thank you! This is a great feeling :)

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  7. Oh I love this Misty, smiling too :) sounds perfect! "I am his slave, because he says I am". Love that!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, thanks! It was really that easy. Leave it to me to make more of it though, lol.

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