Friday, August 8, 2014

Just Keeps Getting Better

Disclaimer: I highly suggest you avoid this post, it will not make your day any better.

Death is one tragedy I don't have a lot of experience with and, to be blunt, it scares the shit out of me. Not death necessarily, but how it will feel to loose those I love, to have a hole in my life where they belong. 

I have been so lucky to have had my grandparents for so long and that they have played an important part in my life. My mom has been single for a good portion of my life and my grandparents helped raise me from a baby. They are in their 80's...

I've told you that my best friends grandpa has cancer, found out last week my aunt (one that I was around a lot growing up) had a heart attack (and because I don't do the Facebook thing anymore I didn't find out until weeks later), found out yesterday my grandpa had to have surgery the night before, my grandma has Alzheimer's and it's getting bad fast, another grandpa has never been too healthy and is dwindling as well, and my mom, she's killing herself one drink at a time.

I'm just so scared to loose them, especially the grandpa that just had surgery--he pretty much took the place of my dad, he gave me away at our wedding...

I'm just so scared--I know I can't change it, we are all going to die at some point, but...

19 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. I often think that facing the mortality of those we love is so much harder than accepting our own.

    While the world may fluctuate in terribly painful ways, it will always reform into how it was meant to be. Even when the sky falls, we still have the ground beneath our feet.

    *Hugs*

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    1. Thank you, lil. I will have to remember that the ground is always beneath me.

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  2. Losing the people who you love is so hard, watching it happen slowly is even harder, I speak from experience unfortunately. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and heart.

    Hugs.

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    1. Beth, sorry about your experience with this and thank you.

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  3. Misty, I am so sorry. Death is something that scares me too. I've lost my grandparents many years ago but I was really never close to them.

    Then 5 years ago, I unexpectedly lost my sister. The one person who was supposed to be my lifelong best friend. I'm not going to lie...getting through that sucked worse than anything I have ever experienced. But I like what Lil said in her comment. "Even when the sky falls, we still have the ground beneath our feet". Despite the paralyzing pain in my chest, I had to come to the realization that I was still here and had my life to continue living. The only thing we can learn from it is there are no guarantees in this life, we never know when it will be the last and take advantage of each and every day we are given with the ones we love.

    I will be thinking of you and your family.
    xo

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    1. little girl, I am so sorry to hear about your sister...that's just awful. I'm sure it would be something like loosing my best friend and that's something I do not want to think about.

      I think I could apply your advice now, I have my life to continue living--I need to be careful and not let this fear consume me. It's going to happen and there is no point in stressing about it now, I might miss out on something good...

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  4. Misty, in one of my 30 days of submission post I think it was, I talked about this as well. It had asked my biggest fear, and I had responded death of those I am close with. I've lost so many people, the hardest was my brother. When it does happen, or we watch it happen to those we care about it - it makes us really think, and it scares us... and it.. well, it sucks. Nothing anyone says ever seems to really help, ya know? But, know that you are not alone in this fear. Those of us who have lost, those of us who haven't.. it's such a real fear. I wish I had comforting words, but all I can share is - that I have learned to really enjoy every single day with those people I still have, to the best that I can. To never waste a moment with them. Cherish everything you have, because life is really so short. Little girl said it well in, despite how very much it hurts to lose someone - we have to keep on living our lives and love those that are still with us with all we have.

    I'm sorry you are going through this sweetie - thinking of you, and always here if you want to talk. Never hesitate to use my email addy if you want/need.

    Big hugs! xx

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    1. brat, I remember that post and it's my biggest fear as well.

      I'm so sorry to hear you lost your bother--it's not fair. But you're right, we have to cherish what we have when we have it, life is way too short.

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  5. I am sorry this is hitting you all at once. It is a hard to lose those we love....to imagine a live without them. But life does go on.....slowly and with an achy....but we must go on...that is how they would want it. And....grief can be a long process...so reach out when you need to...it took me 1 year after my dad died to be able to think of him with a smile instead of tears.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, thank you. It's hard to imagine life without them and I worry I'm going to loose them all at once. But you're right, life goes on. It would be such a waste if we stopped our lives because someone else's ended.

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  6. Misty, I am so sorry. It scares me too. Losing those we love is never easy. Thinking of you. We are hete when you need to reach out.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, thank you. It's nice to have all of you!

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  7. I used to be scared. I lived my life imagining how I would react and survive the death of grandparents and parents. It was wasted energy. When the time comes, it happens, you cope. Life doesn't end. The sun still comes up the next day willy milky whether you think it should or not. You survive. I didn't think I would but I did. I didn't think I'd smile anymore but I did. Since my parents died, I've had three granddaughters. All carry a name of my parents. I think of my folks all the time. But I've forgotten the long slow death of my dad and the agonizing years of watching dementia my mom went through. I remember them as young and caring and supportive and loving. I was blessed with them and that's what I remember. It didn't happen overnight. I cried a lot for a year. Went on antidepressants to help for awhile. But the sun still comes up each day and I smile rather than cry thinking about my parents and grandparents. You don't forget them but the extraordinary pain associated with the loss fades over time.

    Enjoy and treasure the time with them now. Jackie

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    1. Jackie, thank you for sharing with me. It's nice to know you remember the good times, I would hate to only remember the end/bad and not all those years growing up with them...they really gave me joy when I had no where else to find it...

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  8. To all: I want to reply to all of you individually, but I kinda just want to stick my head in the sand right now. You have all helped me though. Knowing that it will indeed hurt terribly when they...leave and it will, at some point, be okay, helps me in a weird sort of way that I can't really explain. I feel so bad for not replying to each of you! I'm so sorry to hear about all of your losses, but thank you for sharing your experiences with me...I imagine it was not an easy thing to do.

    Jackie, if this is your first time reading here I'm sorry this is when you found me. Thank you though, for your first comment, and I do hope you stop by again.

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  9. I wish I could say something meaningful that would help you, but it would sound hollow and it wouldn't help you. So I just say my thoughts will be with you.

    Hang in there,
    Han

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    1. Han, thank you for the comment, it was meaningful.

      It's always nice to see a new face around here, but I'm sorry this had to be the post. I do hope you stop again.

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  10. Misty, I'm sorry you're going through all this at once. There aren't any words that make it easier to cope with.

    I also have several family members fighting through things all at once. I'm not close to them, so it wasn't an emotional thing other than the number of people. Until last week when one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer as well. It very emotional. I guess what I'm saying is I understand what you're feeling. I'm feeling it too. I'm scared for me, scared for my kids, just really having a tough time coping with this.

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    1. Chickadee, I am so sorry to hear about your friend! Life is so unfair. It makes it harder when your kids are involved...

      Thank you for the comment, it does help to know I'm not alone in my fear.

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