So, I'm done (not really...but kind of).
He tells me there are things that will not change despite my "being done" (especially now that he knows I like sex (sigh. Lol)). It's relieving to know that he thinks there is no going back...'cause there is no going back.
I felt relieved when I told him I was done, and I've been thinking a lot about that--wondering why I would feel like a ton bricks was lifted off my shoulders when I gave up on something that has filled me up and made me whole.
I don't think I gave up on the whole endeavor (which was my intention), but I gave up on...something. Maybe I gave up on my expectations, yet maybe it was more than that...
I think I was putting an importance on things that weren't really that important.
My rules (that I was beginning to resent because he didn't seem to care about them) have turned into something else. They are ways to make him happy, not ways to make me happy (ummm, duh).
Maybe I let go of some control that was no longer mine...
You know, maybe I gave up on trying to change. Maybe I have been trying way too hard to change who we are.
Well, now I'm more confused than I was when I started this post...
What I do know is that I feel much more at ease and...yeah, that's all I got. Lol.