Monday, October 20, 2014

Part of Living

I've been sitting here wondering how to start, what to say, and if I should say anything at all. I don't want to face it. I just don't want to. But it's happened, there is no pushing it off to the side for another day.

My grandma passed away.

I feel like I've given the impression that my childhood was full of misery, but it wasn't. I had many, many good times. I had a lot of good ones with her.

The memories keep flying at me--the things she used to do, the things we used to do, the person she used to be.

She had Alzheimer's -the woman from my childhood has been gone for sometime now- so I'm glad it's over for her, that she's gone home but, for my own selfish reasons, I want her back.

I am flying home by myself. I'm going to be without my kids and my husband for four days. There hasn't been one day that has gone by that I haven't seen my girl's faces since they were born, and I'm about to go four entire days without them... I'm not sure it would be such a big deal if it were under different circumstances but, seeing as how death and life are staring directly at me, going just one day without seeing their faces or having their arms around me...

I know this is just part of living and it will all be okay but...

9 comments:

  1. Hi Misty, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know you will have many wonderful memories of your Grandma.

    My thoughts are with you and your family. Sending positive thoughts, strength, love and (((Hugs)))

    Roz

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  2. I am so sorry. My only living grandparent is my one Grandma who has Alzhemiers too and has had it about 20 years now and in a nursing home since 2008 half way across the country. The last I saw her was 2007 and she didn't totally know me but we had one moment where we connected. I pray every day that she goes to a happy place in her mind at least.

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  3. Misty, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm here when you need me. Hugs.

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  4. I'm sorry for your loss - dementia takes somebody twice from us, doubling the grief.
    hugs
    DF

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  5. Misty,
    This must be such a difficult time for you. So much to think about and process. Prayers and hugs to you my friend! Travel safely.
    XOXO Pearl

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  6. Oh Misty, I am so sorry for your loss.
    Yes, it's an inevitable part of life, but it's still not easy. I hope that your trip goes okay--it's hard to do these things on your own. We'll be here when you return.

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  7. So sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother several years ago. So lucky, she lived to be almost 101 and her mind in tact almost till the end. So hard to say goodbye. Remember all the good times and know that she is probably still with you in spirit.

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  8. Thank all of you, so much, for your comments and support. I'm doing okay, for the most part. I wish my husband and girls were with me. I have been busy helping my mom (going through pictures, cleaning, etc.) which helps, then night comes...

    Don't think it is all horrible for me -because it's not-, I get to see my best friend and family and I'm SO thankful for that.

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  9. I am so sorry.....lots of Hugs. I know how your are feeling, i am there with you. I read recently that it is a blessing to miss someone so much...it means they were a special part of your life ......hugs abby

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