My thoughts are starting to get away from me, once again. They are going places that aren't real and have left me feeling vulnerable, insecure, and stressed. I've been through this enough times now to know I'm being irrational.
It's not just D/s stuff, it's everything.
My head feels out of control, like it's all just too much, yet not enough, and alnfvnaerlfnouxhvdflbnaohwn... ya' know what I mean?
All day I've been trying to wrap these thoughts up and push them to the side, and I've just started to wonder if this is something I should tell him. I don't even know if he would want to know. I don't want him to worry or anything--there isn't reason for worry, it's all in my head and will pass. And, really, what could he do about it anyway.
Unfortunately, this is one of those times that I could blow up. Sigh. You know, one of those times that if he happened to question why I didn't do something, I might (not so kindly) try to turn it around on him. Or if he happened to point out something I did wrong, I might tell him that he could always do it himself...
Which is why I'm writing, even though I still feel like I should be able to handle these things without his help. I just really don't want to be a person that blows up like that.
I think it's hard on me because I don't know how to handle vulnerable and insecure.
Yeah, I really don't like those feelings.