Monday, November 17, 2014

Alnfvnaerlfnouxhvdflbnaohwn

My thoughts are starting to get away from me, once again. They are going places that aren't real and have left me feeling vulnerable, insecure, and stressed. I've been through this enough times now to know I'm being irrational.

It's not just D/s stuff, it's everything.

My head feels out of control, like it's all just too much, yet not enough, and alnfvnaerlfnouxhvdflbnaohwn... ya' know what I mean?

All day I've been trying to wrap these thoughts up and push them to the side, and I've just started to wonder if this is something I should tell him. I don't even know if he would want to know. I don't want him to worry or anything--there isn't reason for worry, it's all in my head and will pass. And, really, what could he do about it anyway.

Unfortunately, this is one of those times that I could blow up. Sigh. You know, one of those times that if he happened to question why I didn't do something, I might (not so kindly) try to turn it around on him. Or if he happened to point out something I did wrong, I might tell him that he could always do it himself...

Which is why I'm writing, even though I still feel like I should be able to handle these things without his help. I just really don't want to be a person that blows up like that.

I think it's hard on me because I don't know how to handle vulnerable and insecure.

Yeah, I really don't like those feelings.

18 comments:

  1. Venerable and insecure...i am starting to think they come along with being submissive. The insecure....that is all in my head...He has told me and proven..He is here for good..for the long road ahead...most of the time e trust that. The vulnerable...that is how He wants me....not how i am used to feeling...you are not alone in these..
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone.

      Delete
  2. tell him. cos telling him is just about getting a chance to unload. not that he should or would or can do anything about it. that's not the point. i tell BIKSS i need to unload. he sits back and listens and cuddles me. and i rant and a whine and i yell and go on a rampage. and then i feel better.

    i hope you do to!

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    1. Fondles, what a nice surprise to see you here!

      I hate unloading my crap on others, especially when there's nothing anyone can do.

      Delete
  3. ((hugs)) Misty, I agree with Abby and Fondles. You are definitely not alone in these feelings. I think you should tell him too. Better he knows what is going on for you.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, thank you. He has read this post, I think :)

      Delete
  4. I agree with the rest of the lovely ladies. "Thinking too much" has always been a vice to me ... that's when all my negative energy seems to want to conspire against me. Little things swirl in my head & sometimes get blown out of proportion. Yes, thinking too much is never good (for me). It's good that you can write it down .. expel it .. get it out of your head. And yes He would want to know.
    (((hugs)))
    gk

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    1. geekie kittie, over-thinking is something I can do quite well. Writing does help, a lot.

      Thanks for the hug

      Delete
  5. oh gosh your so definitely not alone in having these feelings, and what everyone else said....talk to him.

    x

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    1. tori, it's nice to know I'm not alone! I think he has read this post.

      Delete
  6. So sorry you are feeling this way. You should definitely let him know, part of this whole journey is being open, even when it sucks. He needs all the information to "handle" you the right way, even if it means doing nothing at the moment.

    This too shall pass. We have all been there before and will be there again.

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    1. dancingbarez, I think he has read this post, so he is aware something is going on :)

      Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, it helps!

      Delete
  7. Not sure if it's part of it, but since you just mentioned the denial, I thought I'd share that denial does this to me sometimes, especially if it's been a while since he's denied me. It's like I get this huge frenzied high from it that it explodes and I crash into an emotional mess of irrational insecurities and thoughts.

    I agree with everyone else. Talk to him. For me anyways, I think sometimes that's easier said than done because when you're insecure about being vulnerable it's harder to be even more vulnerable, but I always feel better once I get it out.

    Hope you're feeling better very soon!

    hugs,
    aurora

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    1. Aurora, your comment made me think, and I think you're right. The denial thing ended on Saturday when he...well, you know (blush)...add that to the high I got from denial and now I'm crashing. That 'has' to be it!

      Talking is so hard!

      Thank you.

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    2. Misty, as Aurora said...this sounds exactly what she goes through after being denied for awhile. Once that denial comes to an end...all bets are off as to her emotions. My suggestion would be to talk to him. I would also suggest getting right back into the teasing/denial for a couple of days. I think you will find that your emotions even back out again. Aurora hates this about herself, but she is so much happier with life when being denied. When that denial comes to an end, I always have to make sure to be prepared to start the tease/denial thing back up ASAP or she experiences much of what you explain in this post. When in doubt communicate! Good luck!

      Delete
    3. Thank you so much, Phillip! It's so nice to know what caused all of this.

      I will pass your comment along to Daddy.

      Delete
  8. It's not your job to be perfect just submit.

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    1. Angle Blue, well...I suck at submitting too...

      But you're right!

      Delete

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