Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Just Thinking

I think my kink is his dominance.

I really, really like being tied up--a lot of sexual fantasies that go through my mind include bondage. 
I really like the crop, clamps, vibrator, and anal hook.
I really like being on my knees, and hands and knees. 

I really like a lot of things, but all those things include his dominance, and I'm not so sure I would enjoy them so much if they didn't. 

Before D/s, I didn't really know how to enjoy sex, which had nothing to do with Daddy, as he has always been great at sex. However, when it became about him, doing it when and how he wanted, that's when I started learning how to enjoy it. 

I also have non-sexual fantasies of his dominance...okay, I have a lot of these...and they get me going more than the sexual ones. No, I'm not joking.

This creates a problem...

It makes it hard to share things I want, to ask for things, because it takes away from what I crave. 

"But, it is his choice to do those things or not," you say.  

Yes, you're right, but it's different. 

It is much more satisfying to me when he plays with me without my asking--I get off on waiting suffering for him. The toys that we have bought, without my opinion, are much more exciting. It gets kinda ridiculous sometimes, like when I ask for something and he says okay, then I suddenly don't want it anymore because I think he's doing it just for me. Sigh. 

The more he does for him (or makes it appear that way) and the more he does what I don't want, the more pliable I feel. 

I like it even when I don't like it.

Actually, "like" doesn't quite cover it. I love it. I adore it. My insides melt and I become a puddle at his feet. His dominance doesn't float my boat, it makes it fly. 

Daddy might find this post a bit unbelievable, given my behavior towards certain things, and really, if I were him, I'm not sure I would believe me either...

Which has got me thinking that my actions need to get in line with my feelings. 

Monday, January 26, 2015

Can I Run Away?

It's this and that, on top of this and that, which comes out looking different than how it went in. Misplaced frustration.

It has nothing to do with our D/s but, unfortunately, it has trickled down into my submission. So not fair.

I'm trying. Really I am. I don't mean to sound rude when I talk to him. I don't want to sound rude...


I'm trying to give myself a break -after all, I am doing all I can do-, but how I'm releasing the stress, is not okay. It makes it worse, it makes it harder to get it all to calm down in my head. It makes me unproductive, well, maybe not unproductive, but less productive for sure.

Wanna know what comes next?

Feelings of inadequacy.

I see them coming...which has to be some kind of progress, right?

Now I just gotta figure out how to stop them.

There is half a bottle of wine in the refrigerator...

Saturday, January 24, 2015

For Him and Her

She was sitting on the couch when he walked up, grabbed her hair at the roots and calmly said, "Get up whore."

She tried to keep pace with him while they walked to the back of the house, her hair still wrapped his fingers pulling ever so much, pain shooting throughout her scalp. The girl slightly paused when they reached the stairs, secretly hoping he would take her to the basement, however another pull to the hair told her they were continuing on to the bedroom.

Once there, he pushed her head down into the bed and commanded that she take off her clothes and get on her knees. After which, he finally let go of her hair allowing her skin to settle down in its normal form.

All clothes came off and she took him in her mouth, as she knew from previous experience this was what he wanted. She enjoys pleasing him this way, giving him what she can while he is free to relax.

"Get the clamps and put them on."

The whore was disappointed to stop, however she loves the clamps, so managed to pull herself away for the few moments it took to put them on.

His cock was back in her mouth when the crop struck her back for the first time that night.

She lost herself in his instructions and mentions of being a dirty fucking whore, while he used the crop to flick and slap her nipples.

This is when her troubles of the world disappear and she finds a new self enchanted by all the sounds, sights, and feelings. All is right in these moments.

The cold feeling of the clamp's chain moving against her skin, the firm, continuous pinch on her nipples, his hard cock in her mouth, and even the sting from the carpet digging into her knees, gives her strength to be his in the most uncertain times.

The sounds from both of them further her belief that they are one and are meant to be forever.

The view of his cock, the crop in his strong hands, and her naked breasts being deliciously tortured confirm she is indeed the whore he wants.

Later basking in the release and feel of his warm cum on her body, she is empowered to do more, to be more, for him and for her...

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Saturday Evening

The few hours to ourselves was great. It was great to be us. For those of you that don't know, we don't get to do it often--three times in the past five years and two months, to be exact.

He took the kids to his parents and left me at home. I was already dressed. I had nothing to do but wait for him to get back--almost an hour of waiting.

What did I do with my time? 


Yep. I cleaned.

I'm lame.

Anyway, he got back and we went out for dinner. When I was searching the menu, in my indecisive way, he mentioned he wanted me filled up.

He wasn't talking about my stomach, in case you were wondering.

After we were home and I had a glass of wine, I put lotion on his legs. His cock was conveniently in front of my face after that, therefore I thought it was a good time to put it in my mouth, so I did just that.

He also shoved my face in his ass...

First time for that.

There was some super hard spanking.

And some super hard fucking.

Okay, a lot of super hard fucking.

And it was just so fabulous.

I feel like this post doesn't do the night justice, but it was great, really great.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Submerging in BDSM Knowledge

When starting BDSM for the first time, I think most people dive head first into the pool of information that the internet provides us (well, ever since we've had the internet anyway). I think this has its benefits and drawbacks.

Knowledge is something to be had, especially in this world.  There are tons of ideas, fundamentals, techniques, to do's, and not to do's. You can also find your likes and dislikes, which leads to finding new parts of yourself. All good things.

However, when you've submerged yourself in such knowledge (with very little practice of actually "doing it") things can go wrong. You start to form a vision of how it is going to work for you. If you're the bottom half, you might start to think that your top half should behave a certain way, react in a certain way, and do certain things, and when they don't hold up to that vision ('cause most of the time it doesn't happen how you envision it) you might find yourself screaming, "That's not right!"

Sames goes for the other half. I could see a new Dom expecting a certain behavior--for their bottom to, "Just do it," without fail and without encouragement, because everyone else is doing it and/or it sounds easy enough.

It's easy to fall into this trap, don't you think?

I was there, not long ago.

I heard something this morning...

"Learning the ABC's doesn't make you a writer."

I love it!

It seems so obvious, yet so many (myself included) start out thinking they know how BDSM works because they've read about it...

Don't get me wrong, knowing what others have experienced helps a lot, it helps pave a road, however, it does not tell you what your road looks like, nor does it tell you what it feels like beneath your feet.

All of our roads are different, they lead to our own destinations, in their own special way.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Tomorrow Evening...

There will be no kids in this house for a total of three hours.

This house will not be empty though. Oh no, it will not.

Daddy will be here.

I will be here.

Three hours...

Did I mention the kids won't be here?

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Kinda Catching Up

I have so much to say I don't know where to start. It's almost like I'm so far behind there's no way to catch up. It doesn't help knowing there's so much I need to do around the house...can't seem to catch up anywhere.

I've wanted to write about Daddy (the name, not the person) for some time now, to reevaluate how I feel about the whole thing. I don't know though, my brain kinda shuts downs when I start to think about it.

He has been more firm about things lately. It's nice, in an uncomfortable way. Like the other night, I forgot my plug when it was time to talk. He made it clear that it is not advisable to forget such things. The crop helped him out with that...when it met the inside of my thighs and pussy. Then the anal hook came out, and went in.

That's something else I want to write about, the anal hook. It's quite lovely, despite how intimidating it looks.

He tied me up two nights in a row--definitely worth writing about, considering it had been over a month. Good times, good times.

Talking isn't easier, but it's...different. I was feeling vulnerable and sensitive after all the playing, and he said something that got to me. It wasn't meant to be how I took it, I knew that when he said it, yet it still got to me. It was kinda like the playing took off a protective covering, leaving a raw feeling, then he touched me. Do you ever feel like you could have a meltdown because he/she said hello the wrong way? I started to crawl inside myself. I knew I needed to tell him, but things come out of my mouth sounding different then they do in my head and, I don't know, I guess I hated to admit it got to me--like I wasn't strong enough to handle it. We were in bed when I told him, but I told him, that very same day! And that, my friends, is something amazing. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to find a flying pig or two.

I know I have some comments to reply to, no time for that right now, but I will get to them. Promise. 

Friday, January 2, 2015

A New Year Begins

I'm in the mood to write, to muse on the worlds wonders through my fingers. I think this time of year does that to me. A years end, a years beginning. Years past, years to come. Years we can only learn about, years we can only dream. This is a time of reflection, a time to remember those that are no longer with us, and a time to see ways we can improve.

I think this is my least favorite holiday.

Don't get me wrong, I will take any holiday I can get...

I'm not one for New Year resolutions. Not many people hold on to them for the entire year (a lot can change in a year!) and I kinda feel like resolutions should happen more than once a year. Like maybe they should happen daily...if you're like me.

It's amazing to see how many people go to the gym this time of year versus...well, any other time of the year. Lol. And boy, does my gym eat it up--understandably so, needing income and all. I wonder if cigarette and alcohol sales go down...

Anyway, my gym does this 12 week challenge thing at the beginning of every year, and I've signed up for it (starts on the 16th). I got sucked in. lol. Kidding. Honestly, I needed the push. We've had so much "life" this year and as a result my body has taken a fall. A little fall, but a fall nonetheless. We all know what "falls" can do to our confidence...

It's not so much my size, but my jiggle that could use some work. And, you know, if I happen to go down a size or two while improving the jiggle, I wouldn't be disappointed.

They take a before and after picture that will be hung up, for everyone to see, when it's over--in other words, motivation is included, free of charge. Seriously, I will probably have nightmares of my two pictures looking exactly the same. I'm excited about it though.

I think Daddy will help me. He has made me go to the gym a few times the last couple weeks. Once on a cooold Saturday, while he and the kids were all snuggled up on the warm comfy couch. Humph. I complain but, I couldn't be more thankful that he cares enough to make an effort.

I hope all of you enjoyed your holidays and I wish you the best year!