Saturday, January 10, 2015

Submerging in BDSM Knowledge

When starting BDSM for the first time, I think most people dive head first into the pool of information that the internet provides us (well, ever since we've had the internet anyway). I think this has its benefits and drawbacks.

Knowledge is something to be had, especially in this world.  There are tons of ideas, fundamentals, techniques, to do's, and not to do's. You can also find your likes and dislikes, which leads to finding new parts of yourself. All good things.

However, when you've submerged yourself in such knowledge (with very little practice of actually "doing it") things can go wrong. You start to form a vision of how it is going to work for you. If you're the bottom half, you might start to think that your top half should behave a certain way, react in a certain way, and do certain things, and when they don't hold up to that vision ('cause most of the time it doesn't happen how you envision it) you might find yourself screaming, "That's not right!"

Sames goes for the other half. I could see a new Dom expecting a certain behavior--for their bottom to, "Just do it," without fail and without encouragement, because everyone else is doing it and/or it sounds easy enough.

It's easy to fall into this trap, don't you think?

I was there, not long ago.

I heard something this morning...

"Learning the ABC's doesn't make you a writer."

I love it!

It seems so obvious, yet so many (myself included) start out thinking they know how BDSM works because they've read about it...

Don't get me wrong, knowing what others have experienced helps a lot, it helps pave a road, however, it does not tell you what your road looks like, nor does it tell you what it feels like beneath your feet.

All of our roads are different, they lead to our own destinations, in their own special way.






9 comments:

  1. This is a great post Misty!! And I couldn't agree more. There is no right or wrong. Our paths are all different because we are all different people coming from different pasts, with different life experiences, who react differently to situations, and ultimately have different desires. it only makes sense that everyone approach may be somewhat different but the best thing is that we can all be here to support each other through the ups and downs of each of our journeys.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A great post....we are all different, our needs, our wants, our expectations..so many differences. One of the wonderful things about blogging is that, almost always, our differences are accepted.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fantastic post!!! I need to remember that!

    ReplyDelete
  4. *nods so vigorously that head nearly falls off*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awesome post Misty. While knowledge is good, we all have different needs, desires etc and esc couple needs to find their own way and what works for them. There is no one size fits all.

    I think so many of us get caught up in thinking we should be doing this, or he isn't doing that etc. I know I did.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great post Misty, life is rarely a mirror image of fiction nor is it like an information manual. All relationships are different and for that we can be very grateful xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks, everyone!! This is something I've been thinking about for some time, but haven't been able to put into words.

    Coming to this realization wasn't an easy processes...and I still have to remind myself every once in awhile :)

    ReplyDelete

I like views, but I love comments, so... say something, would ya'?