Daddy and I talk more. We are talking more about what might be in our future kink-wise, my feelings, and just more talking in general. It brings me closer to him, which I love, but it's scary too. Extremely scary.
I realized that my actions don't meet up with my feelings, and that really bothers me.
I'm trying to be healthier, and I'm doing a crappy job at it.
I have been craving more control from him. I was starting to feel resentful about it, too, yet at the same time I knew I wasn't being fair, which in turn made me feel guilty. I just need to talk to him more when I get this way, I think.
My Mom is depressed. She comes to me for answers, but doesn't want to hear what I say. I think she likes being this way--all, "Woe is me."
I have all these boxes of memorabilia from when I was younger, that my mom sent to me, and I started going through them (still have a couple more. Ugh.). It brought up a lot. I also went searching my dad online...what I found made me angry, not just towards him, but a lot of people.
So there's all these things, and under normal circumstances they wouldn't effect me the way they have, however, with being so vulnerable they are all effecting me in a way I don't know how to handle. It's overwhelming.
What am I going to doing about it?
I'm going to take it one thing at a time and I'm going to try not to let the things I can't fix effect me. I'm going to talk to Daddy more and I'm going to keep writing. And that's all I got for now.