Thursday, February 26, 2015

I Think...

A lot of things happened around the same time and it has been a bit too much. 

Daddy and I talk more. We are talking more about what might be in our future kink-wise, my feelings, and just more talking in general. It brings me closer to him, which I love, but it's scary too. Extremely scary. 

I realized that my actions don't meet up with my feelings, and that really bothers me. 

I'm trying to be healthier, and I'm doing a crappy job at it. 

I have been craving more control from him. I was starting to feel resentful about it, too, yet at the same time I knew I wasn't being fair, which in turn made me feel guilty. I just need to talk to him more when I get this way, I think.

My Mom is depressed. She comes to me for answers, but doesn't want to hear what I say. I think she likes being this way--all, "Woe is me." 

I have all these boxes of memorabilia from when I was younger, that my mom sent to me, and I started going through them (still have a couple more. Ugh.). It brought up a lot. I also went searching my dad online...what I found made me angry, not just towards him, but a lot of people.

So there's all these things, and under normal circumstances they wouldn't effect me the way they have, however, with being so vulnerable they are all effecting me in a way I don't know how to handle. It's overwhelming. 

What am I going to doing about it? 

I'm going to take it one thing at a time and I'm going to try not to let the things I can't fix effect me. I'm going to talk to Daddy more and I'm going to keep writing. And that's all I got for now.


  1. That sounds like a wonderful plan to me. Love that poster...when Master and i first met, i had so much baggage , so many walls, a lesser...or maybe smarter man..would have walked away. I marvel that He stayed....and helped me...brick by brick...I sill have a ways to go, but i at last am sure that i will have someone by my side....i think we are very much alike.
    Look over your last few posts and realize how far you have come...
    hugs abby

  2. Accepting things we can't fix is one of the hardest things in life to accept - if that makes sense!
    Keep talking and writing, I'm sure they are helping you.

  3. ((Hugsl)) Misty, it's hard because we just 'feel' so much more. Keep talking to him and lean on him, and keep writing.


  4. Keep your face in the sun Misty. Don't give up and don't forget that it is us that determines how we feel. Much Love!


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