Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Same Shit, Over and Over

I'm happy, I start to fall, I struggle, I hit the floor, I feel sorry for myself, I give up, he does something to make it seem not all that bad, and around again we go.

I'm at the feeling sorry for myself stage...okay, I'm sugar coating it, but we've been here before so I don't really need to get into it, do I?

I wish I was one of those people that likes to prove someone wrong, that is competitive, and gets it done. I'm not that though. I don't feel a need to prove anyone wrong or prove myself to others, I don't need to win. It feels really good to win, but if I don't...eh.

Daddy is that way. He doesn't normally let things get in his way. He proves he can. His focus is firm. He wins.

I don't know where I'm going with this...

I guess, I'm saying that something needs to change. I need to learn how to turn my failure into fuel, instead of mud. 'Cause it's not easy to restart a fire that's been covered in mud. And I can't expect him to do it for me...I want to be able to light it myself.

19 comments:

  1. No advice here...just understanding of what you are going through and lots of hugs.

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    1. Thank you, little girl! It helps.

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  2. Here if you need/want to talk or anything hon. We all understand. As always my email is open. xx Big hugs.

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    1. brat, thank you! Knowing you and other are here, helps.

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  3. Your not alone with these feelings, and i get its not always easy to work through them, but you will in time.

    x

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    1. tori, darn time, it's always against me :)

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  4. You can do it......and He will help you...
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, I know I can, but...I don't know.

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  5. I was feeling exactly like this today. Wishing you luck as I have struggled with mud for awhile now. Good luck.

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    1. CollaredMom, is nice to know I'm not the only one. I can loan you a spoon to shovel away the mud, if you need one...you know, because shovels would be much too easy. Lol.

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  6. I so understand this.
    Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
    That's what I think of each time I go from good to great to fucked up.

    Your mud reference makes total sense. Tomorrow is a new day to do better!
    XOXO Pearl

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    1. Pearl, I'm so tired of feeling this way. Life was so much easier when I didn't care!

      Yes, today is a new day, and I've set myself to do better :)

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  7. Sometimes we have to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty. Try not to focus on your failures - as you see them. Look at what you've accomplished and how you can improve. Have to admit, I fell apart today, not sure if it's the full moon or just life in general. It's okay to fall apart and have them catch us when we fall. Take care.

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    1. Spankingly, you are right. I'm trying!

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  8. I love to prove people wrong (in the interests of being right, of course)...But I'm also (apparently) a huge proponent of running the fuck away from the horse when I fall off...

    You are not alone in how you feel though, if that helps at all...

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    1. lil, it's so much harder to get on the horse than it is to ride it, huh? Well, that's been my experience anyway :)

      It helps a lot to know I'm not alone.

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    2. On second thought, I guess it depends on the horse.

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  9. Sending you huge ((hugs )) Misty. I get it. As Abby said, you can do it, and he will help you. Are you still having your talks? I know they aren't easy.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. Roz, we haven't had one of those talks in a few days but, even if we were able to tonight, or whenever, I'm not sure what it is that I need to say...

      Thanks for the hug!

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