Saturday, February 21, 2015

What Must Be

I have realized this is something I must go through. I cannot go back and I cannot go around. All detours lead right back here. Stopping is no longer an option. Forward is the the only way.

The barricade is tall, thick, and much stronger than I.

I know this because I built it to be indestructible.

There is no path to guide my way through. No light to shine the way. No maps or "How To..." books.

Unnavigable.

Which is how I wanted it.

It used to be that only uncomprehendable whispers could be heard from the monsters that slither through my mind, which left me free to ignore them. A wonderful side effect.

However, it blocked out much more than their voices. A trade I didn't know I was making. Though, had I known, I might have still made it.

Each layer that has come crashing down, brings back more of what was lost.

More history.
More monsters.
More love.
More anger.
More life.
More hate.

More me.

There is more left, lurking within the parts that haven't fallen--feared unknowns waiting their turn to expose and heal.

What lies beyond is the mystery I fear the most. What will it be like? Will I be strong enough to handle it? Will it be someone that he can love? Will it hurt?

I know not how far I have come, nor how far I have left or where I will end, I only know that I must go through.

12 comments:

  1. I know all about walls that are big and strong and meant to last a life time. I have been with Master for 15 years......somehow, He has been able to knock many of them down...sometimes i go looking for the bricks ...even tho i know that life is better now, without the weight of them. If i can do this...you can , i absolutely know you can. He already loves you...that will not diminish....i am betting it will increase.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, I feel so naked and raw. Which is totally fine when I'm in his arms (that's heaven actually), but any other time I just want to hide.

      Delete
  2. It's so hard breaking through those layers. You can do it:)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  3. Just remember the quote you have on your own home page...
    "I might be a work in progress but every day I get a little bit wiser, a little bit better, a little bit stronger."

    DV

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    Replies
    1. DV, that I can do. I can remember it and believe it.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Delete
  4. If you are strong enough to KNOW that you need to break through it, you are strong enough to make it through.

    Support and love to you my friend as you push through each painful layer. You can do this.

    XOXO Pearl

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    Replies
    1. Pearl, I don't know if I'm strong enough or not, but I have to try. An inch at a time, right?

      Your support is appreciated!

      Delete
  5. You will overcome every and any obstacle, because he will be with you every step of they way....hold onto that.

    x

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  6. You are so amazingly strong Misty, you can do this. I'm cheering you on, always. Hugs!

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