Saturday, April 25, 2015

Change

I have been thinking about my online time and what I'm going to do to help the situation. It really has been a problem for way too long and I'm tired of it.

The best solution I can come up with is to cut back, way back, on blogging. That's really where the problem is after all.

I think, with all that we have going on, that maybe blogging isn't something I really have time for. Maybe next year when the oldest is in school five days a week and the youngest can go two days a week...

I do get a couple days a month when he takes the kids to give me some alone time, so maybe I will use that time to blog.

Reading other blogs will probably happen even less.

But I'm not leaving! No way would I do that.

I also need to work on being more vocal with him. I have tried to use the blog as a means of communication, but it's not that for him, and it's clear I can't change that. I think my written words hinder my vocal ones...

Anyway, I know I don't have explain myself to all of you, but I felt it necessary...so there you go. :)

Sunday, April 19, 2015

It's My Ass, Not Me!

Last night, he had me put on the clamps, then he fucked my ass, like forever.

After he was done, to my surprise, he put the glass plug in. It was half way in before I realized what was going on. 

After he washed, I sucked him while on my knees. The damn plug felt like it was going to fall out. Mount Everest felt like it was going to fall out. 

Yep. I'm a whore...or at least my ass is. 

Yeah, that's it. My ass is a whore, not me.

Anyway, he let me get on the bed and use the vibrator on my clit while he rubbed his cock in front of my face. 

This morning, he fucked my ass again. This time with a serious lack of lube. 

And by that, I mean no lube, in case you were wondering.

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in," he says, every so softly in my ear, while pushing himself in deeper.

Needless to say, there's one happy (not a whore) girl sitting here, clenching her ass ever so much.

Friday, April 17, 2015

I Hate to Admit it, But...

An issue, since pretty much day one, that we can't seem to resolve, is the time I spend online. I have days when I'm hardly ever online, except for work stuff, and I have days when I'm on a lot. I try to keep a balance, but it's clear I totally suck at this. It's not just the time I spend here, but Facebook and games, and all that.

There really is no good time to blog (two young kids at home and all that comes along with that, I work 2-3 hours a day, from home, for another company, and there's our business that is never-ending work) so I just make the time, which, again, is never a good time.

He knows being here is good for me...

He wants my chores to be done first. My problem is that there are always chores, always. There is always something that needs to be done.

Anyway, he will tell me to get off the computer, I finish what I'm doing and maybe even do a little more, or I will say something stupid and/or disrespectful (instead of inserting my foot into my mouth, like I should), and then I will log off.

There is a rebel in me that I can't seem to get past.

I know that if it has gotten to the point where he says something, he is not happy. I know this, yet I still give him a hard time...I don't mean to! I just do. I usually see the mistake after the fact...that has to count for something, right?

This doesn't just happen with this, there's other stuff that I give him a hard time about, when he is just trying to help me.

I even do this when I'm feeling my submission!

It's completely ridiculous and not at all acceptable.

He pointed out how difficult I make this for him. He is right, I do. I would have given up a long time ago if I were him. I can imagine how hard it must be--him trying to get comfortable with this stuff, when I don't comply.

I guess I need to...give myself more time to get it right?

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Spank and Go

I will be doing my thing -picking up toys, washing dishes, etc.- and out of the blue, WHACK, his hand (or one the of kids toys, or a wooden spoon, or the damn kitchen towel) meet up with my ass for quick, "howdy-do?"

Most times, he will wait long enough to see the look on my face. Sometimes, he is already walking away by the time I turn around.  Every once in awhile, he sticks around for a couple more howdy-do's.

No matter what happens afterwards, smugness radiates off of him.

I try to be upset (because it hurts, darn it), but it never works. I just love that smugness too much. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Enjoying the Perfect Unperfect

I stopped by Master49's place and read this, which got me thinking...

Daddy and I argue, disagree, and even fight. I make mistakes, just as he does. We each have our own faults...we are human after all.

Our house is not clean all the time. I forget to plan dinner. I don't always treat him like I should. Sometimes, I yell at my kids when I shouldn't. I'm not always eager to have sex. I'm not perfect. 

Nonetheless, no matter what faults I have, or what faults Daddy has, we are perfect. 

We are perfect together.

How can I say we are perfect, when we are so incredibly not perfect?

Because I'm not going to leave him because he squeezes toothpaste out of the tube wrong and he isn't going to leave me because there's dust on the bookshelves...I mean, how perfect is that?!

Seriously though, we will always fight for each other. We will fight to reconcile our problems. We fight to better ourselves for each other. We will fight whatever fight that needs to be fought, in order to stay together, and that is what makes us perfect.

And, to over complicate things, I'm not so sure "perfect" is a word we can apply to humans. If no one is perfect, and we are all different, how can anyone say we are not perfect? There is no example of a perfect human out there, so how did we ever come to a conclusion of what perfect is, or isn't? 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Truth About Liking What I Shouldn't

I actually have quite the list of things I think I shouldn't like.

Some of them are just silly, like masterbating by myself. It feels good, I like it, but I have a mindset that it is not okay, that I shouldn't do it. I feel awful afterwards. He has never discouraged me from doing so, he loves hearing that I have, but...it just feels wrong, it has always felt wrong, but I do like it.

Some are more understandable, for instance, calling him Daddy and that I would probably enjoy being with a woman.

Here's the thing...

If I want him to dominate me the way I do, I have to be honest with him about what I like and might like, no matter if I think it's wrong (ugh!).

If I had told him that I really didn't like calling him Daddy, he wouldn't have pushed me like he did to use the name. He knew what a big deal it was for me (the name could have, very easily, sent me to a bad place), and took me very seriously.

Months back, I asked him why he hadn't taken pictures of me for so long--knowing how he likes pictures had me curious. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but what he said surprised me, "You act weird for a couple days afterwards."

I didn't realize I acted different. I didn't realize he paid that much attention...

It hit me how important it is open about these things because, while having my picture taken makes me extremely uncomfortable, I do like the attention and I like knowing he wants to look at me. This is definitely one of those things I need encouragement and nudges to do...

And how in the world is he supposed to know that if I don't tell him?!

How is he supposed to know the difference between things I can't do and things I think I shouldn't do, if I don't tell him?

If only he could just figure out the key to mind-reading...

Monday, April 13, 2015

Answers for Roz: Food, Vacation, & D/s

Final March answer here. Roz, at Roz in His Hands, asked...

What is your favourite dish to cook?
My favorite dish to cook is the easiest dish I cook (I'm all about easy after kids). I have this wonderful cast iron pot...
which is key to this dish... Roasted Chicken. All I have to do is cut up some carrots, throw them in the pot, then put the whole chicken on top, stick it in the oven at 250 for a couple hours. Comes out perfect every time.

I usually add something to the chicken (like olive oil, salt and pepper or lemon and rosemary), but it comes out great with nothing added.

To complete the whole meal I will make mashed potatoes and use the drippings to make gravy.

Roasted chicken, roasted carrots, mashed potatoes, and gravy...easy, cheap, delicious...win/win/win.

Also, to make it even more awesome, I use the left over chicken to make chicken noodle soup.


If you could vacation anywhere, where would it be?
Oh, I would love to see the world, to get out of the country, but if I was able to pack up and leave right this second... New Orleans.

Daddy and I have been there once, when I was twenty. I absolutely loved the feel of the city, it was almost hypnotic--there's something in the air that pulls you in. I also LOVE Cajun food.

Hypnotic city and magical food...yes, that's where I want to be right now.


Have you and your husband always been a D/s couple?
Nope, it's only been a year and a half, of our thirteen years together. 


What is your favourite implement?
Still the anal hook. :)

Thanks for the questions, Roz, and sorry it took me so long to get to them!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Answer for sub hub: Fantasy

Writing about sex has always been difficult for me--I mean, you are a stranger and this is my sex life. It has gotten easier and I like the challenge of putting it into words, nevertheless it still is what it is.

I admire those of you that post about that stuff all the time. 

Anyway, sub hub, at submissive husband in Phoenix, asked...

What are some of the specific things that would be involved in your ultimate sexual fantasy?

This is even harder to write about! These are my thoughts about sex we're talking about...sex that's in my head...that no body else can see...sex that my brain stops my mouth and fingers from letting out because it's...you know... 

I have a lot of little sexual fantasies that flow through my head, however most of them have this one thing in common. 

Daddy and I have been talking about this one for awhile now, we have very similar thoughts...it could, possibly happen...like in reality...but not anytime soon...

Damn this is hard to write about!

Okay...

In my head...

I'm always submissive, he is always dominant.
He's not Daddy, but Master.
It involves another woman.
Sometimes he just watches.
Sometimes he is involved.
Sometimes other stuff happens.

Well, this was fun, would love to stay and chat some more, but I'm just going to slip under my desk for a little bit.

Thanks, sub hub, for the question. Even though it wasn't easy (and I don't feel like I fully answered your question), it was good for me to give it a go...I think. ;)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A Reason for a Second Shower

Well, I puked.

Like, I had just eaten a snack not 10 minutes before and he wouldn't stop sticking his cock and fingers down my throat, kind of vomit. (EWWWWW!!!)

He was nice enough to let me run to the toilet. He didn't wait for me to clean up though...

So there I was, standing with my head over the toilet, kinda mortified, about to start cleaning myself, when he started fucking me.

"Clean yourself, dirty whore." Or something to that effect.

Do you know how hard it is to clean your face with toilet paper while someone is fucking you? Well, it's not easy.

But, it does have a stimulating effect. (Totally unexpected, btw.)

He then added cum to the mess that was me...of course some missed my mouth.

Needless to say, I think I will be more careful about when, and what, I eat before bed.

It was exciting though. Much more exciting than it should be. Lol.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Answers for His slut: Plans and Favorite Time of Day

His slut, at Thoughts from His Slut, asked...

What do you envision for you and your family ten years from now? How do you plan on making it a reality? 



Oh hell, I don't know. I'm just trying to make it through the weeks. 

I do hope our business is booming and our kids are well behaved...I'm really worried about those teenage years! 

And maybe I will have a collar by then! Lol.


What's your favorite part of the day?


This is an easy one. About 7pm to the time we fall asleep.


Getting the kids to bed is a crazy time of day, but I really do love the whole process. I make sure they get bathed, they have a snack, watch a little TV, and then Daddy usually takes over. He brushes their teeth and reads them stories. I'm always listening in on them, soaking in the moments of a great dad with his perfect girls, which is priceless.

After he is done reading I take over again. The girls and I lay there and talk a little. I try to remember to ask them what their favorite part of the day was (I think it's good for them to go to sleep thinking about those good things), it's always interesting to hear what they say. Sometimes we sing. Sometimes I just give them a hug and kiss, if I have other stuff going on. It is just very...rewarding.

Then, of course, it's time for Daddy and I to do our thing, which varies from day to day. I don't think I need to tell you why that's included with my favorite part of the day. :)

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Answers for tori: Growth, Frightening Curiosity, and Implements

Trying to not be all doom and gloom, so going to answer some questions.

tori, at Pain's Pleasure, asked...

1) since starting this journey, what in self reflection do you think has been the most positive, in your own growth, and his as well 

This is kinda hard to answer right now, being that I'm in the midst of a growth, that feels like ten a hundred steps back. So, trying to ignore that, I think it would have to be how we have grown closer as a couple. 

We have always been a happy couple -little fighting, many laughs and good times-, but we were two people living together that were almost living different lives--most days he did his thing and I did mine. Now, we are closer to being one. He goes off to work, but he never leaves me. I'm not positive but, I think it's the same for him, I think he feels closer to me, too. 

2) what frightens you the most kink wise, even though it might arouse your curiosity? 

There is quite a bit that frightens me. Lol. I guess, if I have to honest, a lot of those frightening things might fall under the "frightened but curious" category. I'm a firm believer in not knocking it until you try it...you just never know...am I right? 

Exhibitionism could possibly, maybe, be one...and that's all I'm saying! :)  

3) favourite implement and why...bonus if you detail a scene with said implement.

Can the anal hook be an implement? 'Cause I love it! Lol. Or, are you looking for a spanking implement? If so, it would be the crop, but there's still a lot we haven't tried, like a flogger...I think I would like a flogger.

Had to come back because I forgot to tell you why! The hook, well it's awesome. It's versatile, it sends me straight to the clouds, and I just love it. I like the crop because it's just a little stingy...it's not like the cane or his paddle, the cane freakin' stings and his paddle feels like a punch with a side of sting (ouch!!!!).

Thanks for the questions, tori.