Friday, April 17, 2015

I Hate to Admit it, But...

An issue, since pretty much day one, that we can't seem to resolve, is the time I spend online. I have days when I'm hardly ever online, except for work stuff, and I have days when I'm on a lot. I try to keep a balance, but it's clear I totally suck at this. It's not just the time I spend here, but Facebook and games, and all that.

There really is no good time to blog (two young kids at home and all that comes along with that, I work 2-3 hours a day, from home, for another company, and there's our business that is never-ending work) so I just make the time, which, again, is never a good time.

He knows being here is good for me...

He wants my chores to be done first. My problem is that there are always chores, always. There is always something that needs to be done.

Anyway, he will tell me to get off the computer, I finish what I'm doing and maybe even do a little more, or I will say something stupid and/or disrespectful (instead of inserting my foot into my mouth, like I should), and then I will log off.

There is a rebel in me that I can't seem to get past.

I know that if it has gotten to the point where he says something, he is not happy. I know this, yet I still give him a hard time...I don't mean to! I just do. I usually see the mistake after the fact...that has to count for something, right?

This doesn't just happen with this, there's other stuff that I give him a hard time about, when he is just trying to help me.

I even do this when I'm feeling my submission!

It's completely ridiculous and not at all acceptable.

He pointed out how difficult I make this for him. He is right, I do. I would have given up a long time ago if I were him. I can imagine how hard it must be--him trying to get comfortable with this stuff, when I don't comply.

I guess I need to...give myself more time to get it right?


  1. Maybe try coming up with a rough timetable, or setting yourself little goals, which when completed are rewarded with internet times.

    For example, my first bout on the internet is when kids have left for school, breakfast stuff is cleared, kitchen tidied..then i get half hour on the internet..then its an hour of ironing perhaps.

    So chores are getting done, but im getting 'me' time as well.

    Because you are right...there are always chores to be done..alas lol

    Being allowed on the internet is a privalige i have to 'earn' which i hated at first, as i felt it was a 'right' but i appreciate it more because i know it can be taken away.


  2. Hi Misty, I so get this. Between working full time and chores and other things that should have my attention being on the Internet and blogland has always been an issue here. Many a far too late night spent on the Internet. It has got me in trouble numerous times and resulted in me being banned for a period of time a few times.

    Tori's suggestion is a great one.


  3. Misty, I totally get this too. I get to a point where I think that he does give in a little bit. I am not sure he has the "knock that shit off" Dom side, so, my shit-box attitude can take over. NOT something I am proud of at all but it can be difficult for me to give in when I don't feel the expectation.

    I like Tori's suggestion too. Thinking about all the chores that you could be doing will never end. If you can break your day down into a smaller chores you would be able to feel accomplished and know that you are getting things done.

    XOXO Pearl

  4. I agree...use your computer time as a reward for accomplishing chores....decided on.somethings like....if the chore takes 30 get 10 minutes of on line time....or getting 1 room organized...and you get a certain amount of time...
    I do that myself...
    hugs abby

  5. Though I'm not set on how much i get, i do have top "reward" myself. I could spend all day. My house is a wreck. I need to clean. As soon as i finish "prepping" to see Him today, i have to get my ass in gear. I want to just play online though. I get it! Maybe put parental controls, where comp will only work at certain times? Do it yourself before He does. ☺

  6. Maybe its not so much about the online time as what it represents- time for yourself, relax and recharge time, that kind of thing... which is why you feel resentful when it seems like he's stopping you from doing it.

    He's not of course, he wants you to have all those things I'm sure, he just sees it as computer time, and probably things it's a simple thing to have chores done first?

  7. I see anything I do outside of him/family as a privilege...and I don't resent that..though it took a couple of years to come to that mindset.
    Sometimes? You just have to do what you don't want to do because you agreed to doing what you don't want to do, when you don't want to do it--and that can suck, a lot. Time management, prioritizing, all that good stuff comes into play here, and communication---why does it bother him so? And why does it bother you?

  8. Everyone, thank you all VERY much for the advice and for letting me know that I'm not the only one that has had problems with this!

    I'm going to take some of your advice and see if that helps.


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