Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The Truth About Liking What I Shouldn't

I actually have quite the list of things I think I shouldn't like.

Some of them are just silly, like masterbating by myself. It feels good, I like it, but I have a mindset that it is not okay, that I shouldn't do it. I feel awful afterwards. He has never discouraged me from doing so, he loves hearing that I have, but...it just feels wrong, it has always felt wrong, but I do like it.

Some are more understandable, for instance, calling him Daddy and that I would probably enjoy being with a woman.

Here's the thing...

If I want him to dominate me the way I do, I have to be honest with him about what I like and might like, no matter if I think it's wrong (ugh!).

If I had told him that I really didn't like calling him Daddy, he wouldn't have pushed me like he did to use the name. He knew what a big deal it was for me (the name could have, very easily, sent me to a bad place), and took me very seriously.

Months back, I asked him why he hadn't taken pictures of me for so long--knowing how he likes pictures had me curious. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but what he said surprised me, "You act weird for a couple days afterwards."

I didn't realize I acted different. I didn't realize he paid that much attention...

It hit me how important it is open about these things because, while having my picture taken makes me extremely uncomfortable, I do like the attention and I like knowing he wants to look at me. This is definitely one of those things I need encouragement and nudges to do...

And how in the world is he supposed to know that if I don't tell him?!

How is he supposed to know the difference between things I can't do and things I think I shouldn't do, if I don't tell him?

If only he could just figure out the key to mind-reading...

10 comments:

  1. I can understand that, but for me, the more he does it the more I get comfortable with it. Looking at the results is something else....

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    1. julie, I also think the more we do things the more comfortable it becomes...we become more confident.

      I think it's hard though, for him to be able to see the difference in "If I keep doing this, it isn't going to end well" and "If I keep doing this, Misty will be better for it." I have to be honest about my feelings before he can make that judgement...and it's not easy to be honest about some of this stuff! Lol.

      Though, sometimes he might know I'd be better for it, even when I can't see it, in which case I would just have to trust him :)

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  2. ah, now, the things you like but think you shouldn't and therefore feel bad afterwards.... The more you can accept his authority, the more you can accept that he's truly in charge, the easier it is to accept his judgement, and the easier it is for his judgement to trump your own.

    so if he says it's ok to x, and want you to do it and enjoy it, it becomes so much easier to get rid of your 'but it's wrong?' social conditioning stuff.

    takes a while, mind you, or did/does with me, anyway!

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    1. mc kitten, yeah, I'm still trying to get that to sink in. Lol. I'm at a place that I can work past feeling wrong and actually do whatever it is and enjoy it, but I still think I shouldn't like it!

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  3. Hmmm.....I get this...i often feel the same way. Sometimes i feel that He doesn't push me, because He wants to take care of me, and for me to be happy and content. That is where we have to be honest.....sometimes we need to be pushed.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, exactly!!! He doesn't want to do something that would harm our relationship, or make me go off the deep end.

      Some of this stuff is very serious and he can't make the right call if I'm not honest with him.

      I keep thinking about the Daddy thing...if I hadn't told him I liked it and I needed him to push me, he wouldn't have...I feel like that was a huge turning point for us and I'm so thankful I put myself out there. We've grown so much since then.

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  4. Hi Misty, it's so hard to share these things isn't it? Even though we know it is far better to do so. I read your comment to Abby about calling him Daddy. That does show how far you have come and I hope it gives you some encouragement to share more with him.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, it is really hard. I think I will be more open...I hope to be anyway!

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  5. Oh, I so understand.

    The fact He notices is just what you need. Plus, you need to talk to Him. Maybe try pushing yourself. For instance, ever thought of doing voice record on your phone, masterbate and send to Him?

    I'm proud of you. You acknowledge what you need to do in order to push you farther.

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    1. His slut, I keep realizing, over and over, how important communication is.

      I could, maybe, possibly give the voice recording a try. Maybe. :)

      Thanks for the compliment.

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