Thursday, June 11, 2015

Hindsight Can Be a (Helpful) Bitch

The way things are, the way D/s has made them, has totally turned everything I knew (like I knew) into something else. Right isn't right at all, it's left. And I don't know myself anymore.

So, I've found myself in a state of mass confusion. More times than I'd like to admit.


What. The. Fuck. Is. Real?

You know?

My emotions get in the way of everything. Honestly, I have not a clue what happens an inch past my mind.

He says a few little words and...
Attractive, huh?

After that, I totally shut down like nothing happened.

I just didn't want to feel. I wanted to go back to the way I was before. And I did, a little, but it was pretty awful. 

It's just...he is my everything and D/s means nothing without him, so if it gets in our way, than I don't want it. I thought it was hurting us, which, in hindsight, is totally ridiculous. 

So, after days of only talking to each other when necessary, we fought. Then we talked. Then he fucked me. 

All is right again. 

It is even more clear how important it is that I look to him for direction. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a man that will do what is right left for us--he is a rock that will only move at the right time, despite the weight of my current. 

And, once again, communication is so very important, even when we really, really don't want to...not sure when that is going to sink in, but I wish it would hurry up and do so!


  1. Chaos has its place ;-)
    When things do go all explosive, I need him to pull harder on those reins.

    1. Bleuame, are you suuure chaos has its place? I mean, I could really do without it ;)

  2. I so love your titles. As for communication, sometimes it just flows, other times it is so damned hard....but it is the hard times, when i find i really open up and we move forward.
    hugs abby

    1. abby, I couldn't agree more, it's like it rips off another layer, and we jump forward.

      Now, if I could figure out how to talk when I don't want to! Lol.

  3. We all have our ups and downs. It's how we rebound that counts. One day at a time, sometimes one step forward and two steps back. So long as we keep moving, hopefully onward and upward. Hugs. K

    1. K, you are very right. It also kinda feels like the steps back are what sends us flying ahead...if that makes sense. We learn what we should have done differently and we are closer for having gone through it.

  4. Hi Misty, glad all is right (or left) again :) Communication...argh, so important yet so difficult.


    1. Roz, my autocorrect does some crazy things with your name, lol.

      Anyway, I'm glad it's over with too, it was horrid.

  5. I always thought fireballs were kinda pretty...He seems to feel otherwise though. Weird, right?

    1. lil, lol. I could see the long as I'm not the cause or in direct line of fire. :)


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