Thursday, June 4, 2015

Tired of This Subject Yet?

I think my perspective might be off when it comes to FetLife. Maybe I'm looking at it from the wrong angle.

I don't think it's the site and its people that are the problem...honestly, it's so very good there is such a thing, and that so many people are there. It's really amazing, if you think about it.

I think it's how I feel about myself when I leave the site, that's the problem.

It's not that I feel like I'm doing something (morally) wrong by being there, or anything of that sort.

I think I feel a little vulnerable. 
I think I feel bad for judging people. 
I think it excites me. 
I think I feel a little let down.
I think...all these people talk about doing this and that, and we aren't doing this and that, which turns into, "Does he really want this?" I know he wants this, so I get angry at myself for thinking that way. 
I think I feel like getting what we want is an impossibility--yes, yes, I know these things take tons of time. I don't expect to find someone today...or this year. 
I think I'm a little nervous about actually finding someone.

I can be complicated, okay! Lol.


I want to friend all of you there so bad! It would be nice to know people. It would make me feel as if I had people backing me up, so to speak. But, I can't, not right now. I've said a lot here, I've brought the blog too close to my heart, and FetLife comes too close to home. I'm just not at all comfortable bringing the two together. I've tried to come up with a way I could combine the two, but I'm not willing to change my location there, and I've said things here that I can't take back...

Next time I find myself over there, I will try to view things differently.


  1. Some ignorance on my fetlife for local communities? I guess I thought it was something like blogland but it sounds like a place to connect with others locally??

    I could see why the excitement and fear is there. Easy to say that my Man has tasked me to find another woman for U/us (that wasn't really easy actually) but there is another huge fear that comes in when you really search and may find that person!


    1. Pearl, it's all of that in one place! You can meet local people, write, discuss topics about everything under the moon, and beyond, lol. It's kinda like Facebook in a way.

      I think it might be a matter of just getting used to the goings on....

  2. I do understand some what of what you mean.

    When Master let me join Fetlife, i wanted to because of that scare a while back about images on blogger, so i wanted to use Fetlife as a means to stay in touch with fellow bloggers.

    He wanted me to use it find others to play with....and..i didnt want that, i wanted to keep the whole searching others, detailing what we are looking for etc..separate from my blog...does that make sense?

    The only friends i have on my list is those from here (blogland) and i would prefer to keep it that way, and not bring potential play partners into the mix.

    I do think we all judge to some degree, rightly or wrongly it is human nature, i was reading a forum topic on there yesterday and well....yes i did make judgement....but i kept my thoughts to myself.

    Its difficult at times, i know, but dont think about what others are doing etc, it only matters what you both are doing.

    But then im guilty of caring what people think, i shouldnt but i do, so i do get where your coming from.


    1. tori, yes! From the get go, I knew I would have to be open about what we want, and I don't have to do that here. I can say, or not say, whatever I want, and there is stuff I don't want to share. Not only that, but I'm just totally freaked out about someone I might actually meet reading here, lol.

      I don't think it's all bad that we care so much about what people think, but, in this case, it's a pain in the ass. Lol.

      I definitely keep judgements to myself!

  3. I'm on Fetlife and I learned very early on about the importance of making your intentions for being clear in your profile. There are plenty of people with no profile information, plenty that have vague information and plenty that are very specific about why they are there.

    On mine, I clearly state who I am (subhubphx) and that my intention for being there is NOT to hookup, lurk, perv-stalk or in any way be invasive to others. I'm not looking to play outside the scope of my loving marriage. Doing so tends to put those that may be wondering if you are worthy of accepting a friend request feel at ease if they don't think you're going to pester them about hooking up.

    Yes, I do have a picture of my actual, reddened, freshly spanked butt. it's there because I think it is fitting given who I am but I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would want to see a picture of my cock or anus without having been asked first. (not that I would send them if they asked, but you get my point). All that being, I enjoy Fetlife a great deal because it is similar but different to the blog friends that I have. Yes, the Fetlife population as a whole has a significantly percentage of scurvy pervs and dangerous people than blogland. But, it certainly doesn't mean that everyone there is a freak.

    I'm with tori, I prefer my Fetlife friends to be my blogworlds, plus other select people I get to meet there. I choose my friends in both places based on like-mindedness and fun/interest I have in being their friend. With that in mind everyone, I'd love to be your Fetlife friend, so if you're willing to invite me, I'm look forward to "hanging out with you" there. I'm subhubphx on Fet.

    1. subhub, thank you so much for some *great* advice and the offer to be my friend :) It means a lot.

  4. Hi Misty, I'm not on Fetlife but I do understand your need to keep the two separate. You have to do what is right for you. We know we shouldn't, but it's so hard not to compare ourselves to others.


    1. Roz, it is so hard not to compare! I'm not as bad as I used to be though :)

  5. Misty, it took me a while to get used to Fet. I found it overwhelming at first. We use it to connect with like minded people in the area. Since TTWD was still relatively new, we opted to attend a few munches and met some nice people. It's good to get together and talk with others but you do need to be careful. there are a lot of predators that are looking for hookups and lie. I think a lot of people also embellish things and there can be drama just like anywhere else. Just take your time and don't let it scare you but be careful. There's a lot of good information and resources. Hugs. K

    1. K, events and munches (am I the only one that hates that word?) are a totally different hill to climb, for us. It's a privacy thing and where we live plays into this greatly...can't really get into here, sorry.

      We are super careful and won't jump into anything, with anyone, too quickly.

      Thank you for the advice.


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