Monday, July 27, 2015

Jz, This One's for You

So you might have had a bigger tomato...

And was lucky enough to be tied to a chair...

And is cool enough to get together with other bloggers...

But, damn it, I finally have a red one!

Oh, and about fifty cucumbers that are about to be turned into pickles. :)

If there is anyone that doesn't already know who Jz is, you can check her out here



Sunday, July 26, 2015

For Fun...Or is it Fact?? ;)

I thought this was pretty funny.

Hopefully I attached the video correctly :)


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

It's What Whores Need

The night started much like any other, kids trying to stay awake as long as possible, him doing his thing, and me doing mine.

Once the kids wer in bed, I jumped in the shower, which I hurried through because I just wanted to relax with him in front of the TV. I didn't shave for the second day in a row--I didn't get in trouble, but...well, you'll see.

I threw on a little gray t-shirt, underwear, and collar, nothing more, nothing less, and finally sunk into the couch with him.

Even though there wasn't much time for relaxing I managed to get a few minutes in before we went off to bed.

All very normal.

"Where is your leash? Put it on."

After a little of this and that, I'm bending over the end of the bed getting fucked. Underwear around my thighs because they didn't quite make it off.

I heard it before I felt it...

The leash whipping across my back.

The sound didn't seem to match up with the pain. I kept expecting it to hurt, really bad. A couple times he got closer to my sides, which hurt more, but the pain was bearable and thrilling.

He stopped with the whipping and moved on to hair pulling, the kind that makes your eyes water.

Then came his hand across my cheek. How he manages to do this while fucking me from behind is beyond me, nevertheless his aim is a good one and my cheek was soon warm. I was lost in him by this point, only able to get out, "Thank you, Daddy," a few times--not near as many that ran through my mind.

Soon his fist, which was full of my hair, pulls me to my knees and he finishes in my mouth.

I love that he pointed out the marks on my back (I would have missed them otherwise) before we readied for bed.

However, much to my surprise, that wasn't all.

We were laying in bed, lights off, snuggled in...

"Get your vibrator and use it for thirty minutes."

Uhhhhh, huh? Is what I thought, but what came out was, "Are you sure?" Lol.

After I made sure this wasn't a joke, I got the vibrator out and he got his phone.

Now, I don't know if he was recording, but that bright light, that is otherwise a flash for the camera, was on. And it wasn't lighting up the room, but my pussy... My freshly not shaved pussy.

Ugh. Talk about regret!

So, I was vibrating while he was down there, with that light...looking around...

It's no different than the last time he saw it, don't know why he had to be so close...

He spread me apart a time or two...

I'm not sure I'm ready to admit... I'm not sure how I feel, but it's not a bad feeling...

Finally, the phone was gone and he stuffed me with the big dildo...I'm told that's what whores need.

In due time, he was done with me and I was off to sleep. :)



Monday, July 20, 2015

Why Not Sooner?

Or in his words, "Why couldn't you have figured out that you were a whore sooner?" But, that's too long of a title.

He has jokingly asked this rhetorical question on multiple occasions (usually after I have displayed some form of not-at-all-like-the-old-me whorishness), and I'd be lying if I said I haven't wondered the same.

I believe life happens in a certain order for a reason (you have to have a foundation before you can start building) and even though those reasons aren't always made clear, they are there.

Thinking back, if he hadn't have come into my life when he did (I was nineteen), I think I would have found the power exchange much sooner. And it would have been bad. I'm sure of it. I mean, I could have fallen into good hands, but...I just have this gut feeling it wouldn't have turned out so great, which is why I think it happened this way for me.

Within the first week of meeting him, I was a different person. For the first time in my life I had a real reason to better myself. I knew I had something special with him and I wasn't going to mess it up.

He filled a much greater need for me than any power exchange relationship, without him, could have filled. I found my someone, but had yet to find myself.

We were happy. We laughed and shared some really great times. We rarely fought. Honestly our relationship was easy, much easier than most around us. It's true that we don't have what we have now, but it was still really good.

Sex was our problem...I just didn't want it. It destroyed me, that I couldn't...be that for him. I didn't stop to think that maybe there was something out there that could help me overcome my issues.

Anyway...

Then, we had kids. I think it pulled us apart, a little, because kids come first. I could feel a change in myself, as if I was dying inside, and knew I needed a change. I started running, which made me feel better about myself, both physically and mentally. That little bit of confidence opened a door, a very big heavy door...

And here we are.

I would have liked to know I was a whore sooner, especially before kids, but I think I needed the time to be other things first so I could be a better, more appreciative, more stable whore. And maybe he needed that time to be a better Daddy...

Whatever the reasons, I know it all happened exactly how it was supposed to, the way we needed it to, in order to be what we are now.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Who Knew?! Apparently, Not Me.

There's all these little changes going on. Or maybe I should say big changes happening in little ways. 

I wear my collar every night...

Well, I'm supposed to wear my collar every night, but I tend to forget if I'm busy or if the kids are up late, which hasn't gone unnoticed--not even once. 

The last time I forgot, I found a hand around my throat and pinching fingers on my clit, reassuring me that I do indeed need to wear it, every night. I felt that pinch the next day, and partially into the second day, when I would wipe after going to the bathroom...

I hate that I forgot but, at the same time, thinking back, it sends tingles throughout my body, in an oh-so-good way.

We also have the issue of dishes. Yes, dishes are an issue for this thirty-three year old. I despise hate dishes. I want them to do themselves--dishes that are self-cleaning and put themselves away should totally be a thing.

Two kids can produce an unreasonable amount dishes, in case you didn't already know.

In the past, a few times, he has made me very aware of his disappointment (FYI, it's much easier to do the dishes when someone is not whacking you with a wooden spoon.). Other times, he would verbally correct me. Unfortunately, none of this had a lasting effect...

Turns out I just needed clarification on what he expected. 

Oh, I'm still not where I need to be, but I'm getting better. At the very least, getting them washed is on my mind more often--it feels good to grumble to myself about it.

These changes, along with some others, have come a piece a time.

I didn't really see it happening that way. I'm not really sure how I saw it happening (maybe more of a "all at once" kind of thing??), however, now that I'm here, I see how it happens gradually, yet at different speeds, with each challenge.

Time and communication once again show their importance. Damn them! Lol. 

*     *     *      *

And, you know, after writing this, I'm starting to think that punishment is more of a thing for us than what I've been thinking...

...

...

Holy smokes!! How did I not see that?! 

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Submissive I Am

I'm definitely on the submissive side outside of our relationship.

I am not management, nor have I ever wanted to be anything of the sort. This used to bother me because I thought everyone should want to move up in rank, however it doesn't get to me now. Not to toot my own horn but, I'm a damn good employee. I loathe making mistakes, mostly because I see how it effects other people. I'm honest and follow the rules because when I don't it eats at me, for ages, and I hate it. I expect to be an asset--to perform at a certain level and improve the business.

Of course, there are exceptions to my greatness in the work place. ;) I can't have too much freedom. For a short while I worked as a sales rep. (it was something my employer wanted me to try out, and it got me out of the office for a couple hours a day), which I was allowed to go wherever I wanted and I didn't have a quota, basically they didn't have any expectations for me...so, yeah, that didn't turn out very well. Lol. Not only that but, I'm just not good at sales.

The other exception...my employer must (this is a very firm and bold "must") appreciate and respect their employees. I don't work for people that don't see the value in each employee...or at least pretend to see their value. My first few jobs were in the restaurant industry--I was a waitress and bar tender. I ended up with a job working in a hotel bar (a world wide hotel chain that you've most definitely heard of), the owner the hotels came in for (what looked like a) business lunch with one other person...he tipped his waitress (not me) $2. He is a billionaire that tipped his employee two freaking dollars. I don't care how long he sat there, or how little he ate, or if he got rich by being conservative with his money, he should have given her more. I would have given him the money back. I was gone within the next two weeks. On the other side of that, I worked for a small restaurant chain that put great care into their employees...I served the owner and, what I believed to be, his family dinner one Sunday night, he tipped me $100, wrote me a letter telling me just how much he appreciated my service, gave me a job in his bar (which included a very nice pay increase), and made sure my managers knew how happy he was with my service (and how unhappy he was with the rest of his restaurant). You can bet your ass I worked hard for them...there was no way I was going to disappoint them after that!

I say all this about employment because the same holds true outside of it. I don't want to be in control (but that's not to say I couldn't do it, because I could, if someone expected it of me). I don't want to be in front, I get more joy from being in the background--I guess you could say that it warms my soul. I thrive when I know what is expected of me--it's a great comfort to be directed and know what is expected of me. I like knowing ways I can help. I set out to make people happy and improve life. I will go above and beyond for people, as long as they value and respect me.

There are other particular things that show how I'm submissive, but there are exceptions to them, and exceptions to those exceptions, and who has time for all of that? :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Travel Plans

I'm waiting for my mom to call me so I can book a flight home with the kiddos, which kinda feels like impending doom.

Don't get me wrong, I love home and I want to go home. It's just...it's for two weeks and he has to stay here...

It's draining, these trips. Everyone wants us to go here and there...I've gotten better at saying, "We'll be here, come if you can." But, we still do a lot.

And he won't be there...for two weeks. TWO.

We are also flying from there to the beach to see my grandmother.

That makes for a total of four flights (no layovers, yay!) and six hours of driving (boo).

Kill me now.

The kids are going to have a blast at the beach though. I love the beach, and miss it greatly.

And I really miss my grandmother. The three year old has yet to meet her and the other doesn't remember the last time we saw her.

It will be good.

It will.

I hope.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

The (Pointless) Debate of Who is Better

I sat down, like a million days ago (which was probably more like three days ago), to write a post. I started listing off ways that I'm submissive outside of our relationship (tori gave me the idea on my last post) because I am that--a submissive person.

Anyway, while I was listing, I got to wondering...

Will someone find my natural submissiveness offensive in some way? Will someone think that I'm bragging? Will they see me as weak or as a pushover?

'Cause that's a thing right? Natural versus not natural, submissive versus slave, etcetera, etcetera.
People thinking they are better than the next, because their way is the best way.
People thinking they are superior because they "do more" or do it the "right way", or even because they "would never do that".

This has to be one of the stupidest things. Ever.

This is not a competition. There are no ladders here -within and between labels-, there are only ladders within ourselves.

A sub is no less of a person, no less of a partner, than a slave--and vise versa.

A slave isn't more of a slave because they are more willing or have more rules.

Just because something isn't right for you, doesn't mean it isn't right for me.

We are just...different.

We are only human, therefore judgments such as this will come from the best of us, but it's still pretty stupid.

And that's that.

Now, just bear with me for another million days and I'll finish that post ;)

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Not Feelin' It

I want to write. Really, I do. I just haven't made the time, I guess.

I want to write about sexy stuff, but I'm just not "there". Stupid periods.

I'm back to focusing on how I suck at everything. Stupid periods.

Oh, but even though I don't have enough time to do what I need to, I want to more to do. That totally makes sense, right?

I want something to work towards. Something I can actively work at. Something to challenge me.

I could work on keeping the yard weed free, or the house dust free, or this, or that.

I'm sure there's kinky things I could work at (can't remember the last time I put the plug in), as well, but...eh.

Okay, okay! I want him to tell me to do these things. I want him to challenge me. Sigh.

I should probably mention that when he points out something I could do better, instead of thinking, "Okay, he's right. I could pay more attention to that." I think, "Great, something else I suck at."

So, I'm not really giving him much to work with.

Nope, no warm submissive feelings here.

Stupid periods.

Sometimes I wish I had a dick.

Anyone have post ideas? Something for me to muse on? Questions? Anything at all?