Monday, July 20, 2015

Why Not Sooner?

Or in his words, "Why couldn't you have figured out that you were a whore sooner?" But, that's too long of a title.

He has jokingly asked this rhetorical question on multiple occasions (usually after I have displayed some form of not-at-all-like-the-old-me whorishness), and I'd be lying if I said I haven't wondered the same.

I believe life happens in a certain order for a reason (you have to have a foundation before you can start building) and even though those reasons aren't always made clear, they are there.

Thinking back, if he hadn't have come into my life when he did (I was nineteen), I think I would have found the power exchange much sooner. And it would have been bad. I'm sure of it. I mean, I could have fallen into good hands, but...I just have this gut feeling it wouldn't have turned out so great, which is why I think it happened this way for me.

Within the first week of meeting him, I was a different person. For the first time in my life I had a real reason to better myself. I knew I had something special with him and I wasn't going to mess it up.

He filled a much greater need for me than any power exchange relationship, without him, could have filled. I found my someone, but had yet to find myself.

We were happy. We laughed and shared some really great times. We rarely fought. Honestly our relationship was easy, much easier than most around us. It's true that we don't have what we have now, but it was still really good.

Sex was our problem...I just didn't want it. It destroyed me, that I couldn't...be that for him. I didn't stop to think that maybe there was something out there that could help me overcome my issues.

Anyway...

Then, we had kids. I think it pulled us apart, a little, because kids come first. I could feel a change in myself, as if I was dying inside, and knew I needed a change. I started running, which made me feel better about myself, both physically and mentally. That little bit of confidence opened a door, a very big heavy door...

And here we are.

I would have liked to know I was a whore sooner, especially before kids, but I think I needed the time to be other things first so I could be a better, more appreciative, more stable whore. And maybe he needed that time to be a better Daddy...

Whatever the reasons, I know it all happened exactly how it was supposed to, the way we needed it to, in order to be what we are now.

8 comments:

  1. I so agree with this post....as it seems i say that a lot here. I am sometimes asked, do I regret not having Master in my life earlier that i did. And yes, of course sometimes i do...but then i remember what i wanted in my 20's and 30's and 40's...and i know....I met Him at exactly the right time...when i was ready to open myself up.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, yep, it happens when the time is right :)

      I'm glad you get me and agree :)

      Delete
  2. I agree Misty, everything happens when its meant to.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, it's comforting in a way--knowing what's meant to be will be.

      Delete
  3. Great Blog. Leave the comment a rhetorical one, and be happy that you have found your inner (or outer) whore! If it brings you close now and at peace with yourself, then you are one lucky "whore".

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    1. Thanks, Linda!

      I am really lucky to find the whore in me ;)

      Delete
  4. Misty, I have heard the same observation from Heron but you are right...the outcome might have been completely different had things happened before we were ready. I think it great that your are able to realize this and I am sure his comment is truly in jest. I am sure he is quite appreciative that it happened at all, even if it was a little later than sooner.

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    1. little girl, I'm pretty sure he thinks about all the sex he missed out on. Lol.

      I'm so glad it happened for us both!

      Thanks for the comment.

      Delete

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