Monday, August 31, 2015

Basement Bound

She knew something would happen, something that had never happened before, because that's just what he does in special circumstances. This was definitely a special time.

They had spent the last two weeks on separate sides of the county, even missing an anniversary together, because she was long overdue taking the kids to visit family. At moments, time seemed to stand still, as if to test her ever wavering patience, yet just as time passed slowly it went just as quickly, as she made memories with her children, friends, and family. At last, she woke up on the last day of her trip, at which point the minutes turned into hours.

She wore a new dress for him even though it would be late when he picked her and their kids up from the airport. It was a modest navy blue number, although it was shorter than she normally wears--which is saying something because she did fly some thousand miles with two kids in this shorter than normal dress. Special times call for special dress wear, does it not?

He only made it as far as the parking garage before he took advantage of her choice in clothes. While she was buckling the youngest child into her car seat, he lifted the dress to reveal matching underwear (if that's what you would call a small triangle of lacy fabric and a couple strands of elastic) and gave her a quick squeeze.

Not much can be done in a car with two little ones, but he found ways to make her squirm. Once they were on the road and the kids were asleep, he pulled her collar out of the glove box so that she could put it on, which was a wonderful surprise for her. It didn't take long for her bra to come off after that.

They made it home early in the morning, both were tired, but not too tired for him to use her mouth. It had been two weeks, after all. She ached to have him inside her, however she was on her period, thus leaving that ache to be soothed another day. You would not be wrong to assume her utter frustration with her body.

She nestled in his arms for a long, much needed, sleep...until five o'clock in the morning when he would give her another opportunity to swallow his cum.

The following night was the time for something new, just as she expected.

He plugged her and cuffed her wrists and ankles. There was no need for him to put on the collar because it was already around her neck--there was no way she would forget to put it on after so much time away from him.

He led her downstairs to the basement and into the utility room. The floor is concrete and the rafters are exposed, leaving the room chilly, though she didn't take notice the temperature because she was too busy wondering what he was going to do with the workout bench sitting before her.

One might think she would be nervous, but she was only giddy and unable to take the smile off her face. All she wanted was to experience whatever it was that he had planned.

She laid on her back, just as he told her to, he then tied her hands over her head and moved down to her ankles. He added two new hooks to the boards above so he could use rope to hold her legs up and, of course, spread so he would have full access.

Duct tape covered her mouth.

He attached the nipple clamps to her and then to her collar, in a way that left them pulling her nipples. Pain shot through her and a moan escaped her mouth, the first of many. She then felt clothespins on her pussy, just before he cropped her clamped nipples. The smile on her face was fading with that pain, all the same she was enjoying every bit of it.

He switched the clothespins to her nipples and she was sure he was going to put the clamps in place of the clothespins. She knew from past experience how bad it hurt when he put them between her legs and a, "No, no, no," came out of her mouth. She quickly found out that was not what he wanted to hear. The clamps were put on her lips instead, one on top and one on bottom, giving her ability to talk.

"Oh, does that hurt?" He asked nonchalantly, but knowingly.

He made her beg before he took them off, which she didn't hesitate in doing. The pain had her wondering which set of lips hurt worse with them on, though she didn't care to find out.

After more movement of the clamps and clothespins, the magic wand was put on her tender pussy. On high, no less. This got quite the reaction out of her.

In the mist of his play with the crop, clothespins, and clamps, he took the duct tape off her mouth, however because she was being far too vocal with the wand on, he had to cover her mouth again.

He took a moment to pinch her nose shut and ask a rhetorical question--of course she couldn't answer, she couldn't even breathe.

"I forgot you couldn't talk," he faked regret of this purposeful act, and chuckled as he let go of her nose and air filled her lungs. (I truly wish I remembered the whole of what he said, 'cause it was...worth repeating.)

He held the wand on her again and she came an unknown number of times, while he also played with her breasts and stayed in control of her breathing. The clothespins were also put on her nose, which was degrading to her in the most wonderful way.

She wanted him to stop and to never quit. She wanted to touch him, yet stay bound--more than once she tried to move her head so that it would touch his leg, or whatever part of him she could reach. It was more than fulfilling, but she wanted more.

"What do you say?....I shouldn't have to ask." He stated as her body shook before him.

After that, the thank you's came pouring out.

She hated being away from him for so long, but that night almost made the time away worth it. Of course, more than anything, she was just happy to be in his arms.

She is now secretly wishing he will do it all again once her period is finally done. ;)

Friday, August 28, 2015

Almost Home

The last day of our trip is finally here. Tonight (well, technically tomorrow morning), I will sleep in our bed, with him. I can feel the weight of the world lifting off my shoulders and clean air filling my lungs already.

I feel like the kids and I have done everything under the moon -a movie, the circus, museums, a sandy beach, and more, lots more-, everything but relaxing. This trip wasn't about relaxing though, it was about family.

I did get two nights with my best friend and they were everything I knew they would be. She is an awesome aunt to my girls. It's hard living so far away from her...

Anyway...

The first week away, I sent him a few pictures, which he requested. :)

One of those nights I was so tired that I told him that I would pass...he still got his picture. Lol. I was in bed doing my best to fall asleep, but couldn't. I sighed and took the damn picture.

Another time I sent him one without him asking. (Go me!)

However, the second week, there were a couple of nights that I really did pass (I will not feel bad. I will not feel bad. I will not feel bad. I will not feel bad.), because I was far beyond tired.

Besides that, there was no sexual stuff or even thinking about sex stuff. I'm pretty good at pushing those feelings aside when they aren't a possibility...actually they aren't even pushed aside because they just aren't there. Yet, something interesting happened...

I had a dream! (Insert MLK voice.) Not of equality of men, but of someone tying me up and ripping open my shirt. Crazy! I mean it's, CRAZY. These things just don't happen to me. That's all it was, just me tied to a chair and that short act. I was so surprise that I woke up and couldn't even be turned on by it (despite it being hot)...it was just so out of my ordinary. Lol.

I hope all of you are doing well and enjoyed the past two weeks.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Has it Really Been that Long?!

The kids and I will be leaving soon. I keep telling him that I really don't want to go and he keeps telling me that I do--we are probably both right. 

The kids are going to have a blast doing all the things we have planned. 

I'm going to see my best friend. We will sit on her couch after the kids go to bed, drink in hand, and talk. Just talk, for hours, until we can't stay awake any longer, and I will be so tired the next day, but it won't matter because I miss her that much. 

But, he won't be there...

For TWO weeks...

And I don't know what that's going to be like...

Anyway...

I have a few important days coming up while I'm gone and didn't want to miss the chance to mention them.

The blog will be two years old (on the 18th, I believe)! Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard? I have no idea where the time has gone. Thank you all, so much, for being here--it means a lot to me, much more than I could ever express.

Which also means Daddy and I have been at this whole thing for two years. Sometimes it feels like I'm at the beginning, but we really have come a long way, don't you think? (Don't answer that. Lol.)

Most importantly, fourteen years ago (on the 21st) I went to a baseball game with a man that would turn out to be my partner for life. If anything has made me believe in destiny, it is him. It was not chance nor luck that brought us together. 

Daddy, I love you so fucking much. You better take care of my heart while I'm away...or else! 

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Involvement *sigh*

I'm at that blogging point, once again, that I wonder why I am here, why I write about what I do, wondering what people think about the things I write. In other words, I'm insecure. I'm just gonna push through...

Up until recently I didn't know how to explain what I think I need. All I knew is that I wanted more. More of anything that he was willing to give.

I'm going to move between "need" and "want" as if they are same because I'm not at all comfortable with needing. Moving on...

It's just that I have this feeling in my chest, a clawing type feeling. Sometimes it's more pronounced, in which case I always find myself in a pit of mass confusion. It's a battle between logic and feelings (if you haven't noticed, I'm not very logical).

All the little scenarios that run through my head have one thing in common, his involvement in me, however it's not just in me, but in specific things I do. Sexual and non-sexual, it makes no difference.

I realize wanting his involvement is okay, natural even...

I'm trying really hard not to make this one about my past.

I want to be strong! And needing his involvement makes me feel anything but that.

I'm counting on being strong through his involvement.

The reality is that, it's much more than involvement -it's accountability, interest, belief, trust, confidence building, guidance, and a whole bunch of other stuff-, but I think a lot of you get that already.

I know this is a lot to ask of him... Maybe I deserve it, but I really don't...

There's just too many feelings, too many thoughts, to explain it all in one post.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Alone

I tried out a new recipe last night for dinner, which he really liked.

Now, I feel like I should say, this doesn't happen often (he has quite the opinion when it comes to food and I might be a bit of an adventurer), so it's very rewarding when it works out (even if the kid's don't like it).

I didn't feel the reward this time, despite his praise.

I feel alone.

I still haven't talked to him.

He is busy, which is awesome, but that means he is tired and has a million other things on his mind. And I'm tired, so tired.

And I don't wanna talk, so I'm finding excuses not to.

I'm also finding excuses not to do the sex thing. *head to desk* *head to desk* *head to desk* 

I keep thinking about how this (talking about this want/need/whatever-it-is) has worked out in the past... Maybe I didn't bring things up in the best of ways, maybe he could have responded differently...maybe we could have both handled it differently.

I know we aren't where we were then, so maybe it would turn out differently. But, maybe it won't, which is enough reason for me to keep my mouth shut. Because how I feel now isn't near as hard as that was.

Ugh. What a mess I've created in my head...

I've tried so hard to shake this. I've tried to keep my mind on other things--I added running back into my workouts (and was even reminded why I love it), meal planning, travel planning, starting school planning (I'm so not ready for this...she's still a baby! Okay, she's five, but still!!), dressing nice for him, the list goes on...but, it's still there, nagging away.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

The Problem is...

I want it to be about him, but sometimes it's about me.

And I really, really hate that.

I've been so good at "whatever" for so long, and it's just so unfair that I'm not good at it anymore.

I'm horrible at asking for what I want believe I need because of how I feel afterwards (vulnerable, open, raw--just all kinds of yuck), so I don't ask.

I'm horrible at explaining how I feel because I know how I feel effects him, and it never comes out like it does when I write.

"Well, write then," you say.

Well, he wants me to talk, so...

It's not easy, this communication thing. Even if I did know how to talk, it wouldn't be easy. 

Because...it totally sucks admitting you think you need something from someone, something you can't provide for yourself, because that makes you dependent (well, hello there, Ms. Vulnerable. You're a real bitch, you know that, right?).

Not only that but, what if he wants nothing to do with these things I think I need?! What if it's too much work?

And, what if I really don't need it?! What if I just feel this way now because of my stupid monthly cycle?

What if...

I mean, why can't I float along his river and just take what it gives?

I don't want to say, "If you want this, I need more of that," because that's not what I want to be. I just want to give him that, without any of this...you know?