Friday, August 7, 2015

Alone

I tried out a new recipe last night for dinner, which he really liked.

Now, I feel like I should say, this doesn't happen often (he has quite the opinion when it comes to food and I might be a bit of an adventurer), so it's very rewarding when it works out (even if the kid's don't like it).

I didn't feel the reward this time, despite his praise.

I feel alone.

I still haven't talked to him.

He is busy, which is awesome, but that means he is tired and has a million other things on his mind. And I'm tired, so tired.

And I don't wanna talk, so I'm finding excuses not to.

I'm also finding excuses not to do the sex thing. *head to desk* *head to desk* *head to desk* 

I keep thinking about how this (talking about this want/need/whatever-it-is) has worked out in the past... Maybe I didn't bring things up in the best of ways, maybe he could have responded differently...maybe we could have both handled it differently.

I know we aren't where we were then, so maybe it would turn out differently. But, maybe it won't, which is enough reason for me to keep my mouth shut. Because how I feel now isn't near as hard as that was.

Ugh. What a mess I've created in my head...

I've tried so hard to shake this. I've tried to keep my mind on other things--I added running back into my workouts (and was even reminded why I love it), meal planning, travel planning, starting school planning (I'm so not ready for this...she's still a baby! Okay, she's five, but still!!), dressing nice for him, the list goes on...but, it's still there, nagging away.

10 comments:

  1. If only we could get out of our own heads, live would be much easier. I get this, so get this. Occasionally i resort to writing a letter, it is easier for me, i get to go over it and get it somewhat right...and it opens the door. Only be aware, i do not always get a response as quickly as i think i should...(like 2 minutes after i have given it to Him)...and that almost causes my head to explode.
    hugs..lots of hugs...abby

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    1. abby, yes! Why do they take for-ev-ver to respond? Seriously, a few seconds is enough time to respond to a (slightly) irrational person, don't you think? ;)

      I talked to him and as soon as the words left my mouth I was busy thinking the worst...

      Delete
  2. What Abby said... Even after all these years i still sometimes get so lost in my head - a week ago i finally decided that if he isn't able/can't/won't/doesn't want to be hte same to me hta the had been i would just pull back and start taking care of myself TYVM. Yesterday he noticed and we talked - i talked - and it sucked - all the worries and fear - but it is better than not talking -. Good luck.

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    Replies
    1. greengirl, thank you so much for reading and commenting. It means a lot during times like this.

      I finally got the words to come out (it was painful) and, wouldn't you know, I feel like a ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders. Even if nothing comes of it and I feel this way again in a few months, talking was worth it.

      Delete
  3. Hi Misty, I get this too. It's so hard to get out of your head sometimes, I really hope you can eventually talk to him, or write it down. As you said, you aren't in the same place and how you feel now isn't as hard.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Roz, it seems I'm good at going in circles. :)

      I finally talked to him. It was bad at first, gave it a day, and talked again...I feel loads better. I think we might actually be improving! lol.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Bleue, oddly enough, that's what I kept telling myself, over and over, and a few (million) times after that.

      The words found there way out and I'm feeling loads better.

      Thanks for your support.

      Delete
  5. We can be our own worst enemies sometimes. Glad to hear you got some talking out (and that it helped!).
    XOXO Pearl

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    Replies
    1. Pearl, it's hard not to let our minds get the best of us.

      Hope you're doing okay.

      Delete

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