And I really, really hate that.
I've been so good at "whatever" for so long, and it's just so unfair that I'm not good at it anymore.
I'm horrible at asking for what I
I'm horrible at explaining how I feel because I know how I feel effects him, and it never comes out like it does when I write.
"Well, write then," you say.
Well, he wants me to talk, so...
It's not easy, this communication thing. Even if I did know how to talk, it wouldn't be easy.
Because...it totally sucks admitting you think you need something from someone, something you can't provide for yourself, because that makes you dependent (well, hello there, Ms. Vulnerable. You're a real bitch, you know that, right?).
Not only that but, what if he wants nothing to do with these things I think I need?! What if it's too much work?
And, what if I really don't need it?! What if I just feel this way now because of my stupid monthly cycle?
I mean, why can't I float along his river and just take what it gives?
I don't want to say, "If you want this, I need more of that," because that's not what I want to be. I just want to give him that, without any of this...you know?