Sunday, September 20, 2015

First Came Wife then Came Slave

I've been thinking about what it means to ask someone down the power exchange road. Not just anyone, but someone whom you've been loving and living with for years, someone you started another kind of life with. Someone that didn't sign up for this.
book series could be written about what comes after the, "Okay, let's do this." I wish someone would hurry up and write them so I could know what the hell we are doing here, or at least a heads up of what's to come.
I can only speak from the bottom side and being the one who asked my love for this. Also keeping in mind this is only a crumb of our whole, not yours...
In order to do my thing, he has to guide. Simple enough...or so one started out thinking.
I was too caught up in myself to think that he probably wouldn't know what he wants or which road to take, right off the bat (or even weeks, months, or maybe even years later). Nor did I take into account that he might even be uncomfortable with the things he wants.
My husband is a provider and protector, and he takes that job very seriously (I've only seen a small part of the weight he carries and that little part is too heavy for me). He saw the importance of it all, the weight of it, way before I did. And he isn't one to take his loved one down a road without having throughly thought it out. And shouldn't he be aloud to become (at least a little) comfortable with himself before bringing me into it? 
For me, that has meant waiting for him, during the frenzy of things and beyond. It meant taking only what he gave because he was nice, and brave, enough to do it for me. It also meant waiting another day to find out what he wanted. I wish I could say I did that gracefully, alas, saying that I did it less than gracefully is painting me in a much better light than I deserve.
Two years later, I'm still waiting to have a clear picture of the road he wants, however I'm thrilled to say that I have a fuzzy picture. 
You see, he waited over ten years for me to be sexual, any kind of sexual. He suffered many nights of unfilled needs, for me. He shut off parts of himself and I'm asking him to turn those parts back on, even though I was the one that taught him to ignore them. In other words, he deserves a lot of time to paint his picture.
I will take the long way around so he has the space he needs, if it is space he wants. If that means I have to wait ten years while he figures it out and finds his voice, so be it. If that means I need to be a mind reader in the mean time, bring it on. I will do my best to offer, so he doesn't have to ask. I will do, so he doesn't have to tell. 
...all within reason, of course.
I will revel in the parts he takes and gives. Those parts are becoming increasingly more frequent after all, which makes it much easier to accept the unknown.
And I will wait, as patiently as I can, for the rest.
I'm sure to struggle, bitch, and whine (let's face it, I'd probably do that with clear direction), but I will do my best, as I know he is doing his best.

15 comments:

  1. This is interesting. Our power dynamic was established very early in our relationship. I think I'd go crazy if he decide to shift. It was brave of you to start this journey, Misty.

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    1. Jen, it is interesting for me to hear about those that start out this way (and I might be a tad bit jealous, too).

      I think he was quite surprised when I asked him. Lol.

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    2. I bet he was! I know I was lucky to discover that I was submissive and to find the right Master. Still, there have been questions and doubts along the way. It's that way for all of I think, at least partly because of societal pressure to be "normal." I know most people would not really understand this lifestyle, but I know this is what I need.

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    3. Society can be a real bitch. I think religion can be a bigger one, but let's not go there!

      I spent a lot of time trying to be normal, but maybe that's what I needed, to be normal...it doesn't really matter now, I've found me :)

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    4. Look at all of us, Misty. We all are followers who need control. It's really ok.

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  2. I was not blogging at the beginning of Master's and my journey....it was at times messy, at times we both thought it was not worth it...luckily not both at the same time. I got through many a day saying to myself...He is doing the best He can.....and so am i...it has paid off....
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, I think not doing the blogging thing in the beginning is not such a bad idea. Lol. I've been tempted to take down the first year of my blog many, many times (and I didn't even blog about half of it!)--I try to forget that it's there.

      It is so hard to remember he is doing his best when I want something SO bad, but it all takes time...

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  3. This is a great Misty. It's not easy to remember that when we ask our partner for this, it's something we have been thinking about, possibly researching for some time, but it's new to them. They need time to get their head around the idea and figure out what it means for them and to grow in their role.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, (you're Road today...this auto correct is crazy), exactly. Not only that, but, for me at least, I formed all these ideas of ways that it was going to go...boy, was that the thing NOT to do.

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  4. Oh yes, there is a time for waiting and for keeping in mind that they are doing their best....off to go and give those two things a go....*hugs Misty*

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    1. Bleuame, why is it that "waiting" means more than a couple hours?! I mean, that's totally unfair, right? ;)

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  5. I think it can be very hard for an established couple to venture into this. You are each asking the other person to look past the history you have together and view each other and everything you have known totally differently than you ever have before. That can be a huge hurdle. Congrats to you both for being able to make that change, no matter how hard and slow the change may have been. The important part is that you are doing it together and both trying to help create a new picture to define your relationship. That is to be commended. Good for you for having the strength to ask for what you want and need, and good for him for being willing to do what he can to make it work. Sounds like he has a lot of years worth of sex he can demand to make up for lost time. ;)

    DV

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    1. DV, I have been trying to figure out what it was and how to word it for awhile now, and you've gone and done it for me....
      "You are each asking the other person to look past the history you have together and view each other and everything you have known totally differently than you ever have before."

      And poor him, I couldn't want just a little of this and that, nope I want it ALL. lol. What can I say, I know how to make things challenging. ;) Honestly though, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't see it in him in the first place. Hell, I probably wouldn't have married him if he wasn't what he is...but, that's another post.

      I think he spent the first six months in shock because we were actually having sex (every day, and sometimes multiple times a day. Lol). He probably thought he'd better get as much as he could before I changed my mind (*head hangs so very low*). He has definitely taken advantage of this aspect, and that feels mighty good, if I do say so myself. :D

      I really appreciate you coming around and giving your thoughts on my words!

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  6. beautiful post! and lots felt familiar too - hang in there, sounds like you're doing great x

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