It's not very often that I find myself in need of sex without him playing with me first (this is not to be confused with my need of dominance, 'cause that I have like all the time). In fact, I'm pretty sure my libido went wayside somewhere in my teens. So when I wake up horny, trying to rub my parts on him and stuff, it throws me.
Don't get me wrong, I love it. I know he loves it. I feel pliable, floaty, and all things lovely.
However, when I get like this, there's a fall back. Soon I will start to freak out about it. Not about being horney per se, not even about what we did to get me to that horney state, truly I'm great with all of that.
It's the feeling. It's a feeling I used to avoid because I felt like it was wrong. Not that it was wrong, it just felt that way because of what went through my head when I sedated it. That feeling is the same now as it was then, and it feels wrong. It scares me. It feels like I should try to stop it. Yet, at the same time, I want it and I know the feeling is okay to feel, which is major progress if you ask me.
I don't want the crash! I get so very unpliable and it's awful.
I don't know what to do to stop it from happening either. I'm great at the moment, a little cross-eyed even (lol), which is why I wanted to write about it now. Maybe just saying that the feeling is there -that the need to push it away is knocking on the door-, will be enough to stop the crash??
I think this time I will just try to stay horny. I will keep the thoughts coming, even when instinct tells me to stop them.
Yes, that's what I will do.
Nasty, dirty thoughts coming right up. Thoughts of being used and exploited will not be pushed away.
Wish me luck.