Tuesday, October 6, 2015

He is My Sound Mind

You know how you start off thinking the problem is there because of abc, but come to find out it's because of xyz?

Well, that's happened to me like a million times in the past two years. Lol. Not that abc (and def, and ghi, and jkl, and...) wasn't a problem, because it was, but it just wasn't the crux. 

Now, I've come to the conclusion that I don't trust myself. 

I just don't. 

And, I hate myself.

So I look to him. 

I trust his judgement because I know him, I know where he came from, and I know he has a sound mind. 

I don't trust myself because I know where I came from. 

Maybe I'm not being fair to myself, but...

I don't know...

Anyway, things are changing around here. I love change. 

It has only been a few days and I am kinda worried that he will decide he really doesn't want change (you know, waiting for the other shoe to drop), but...

Punishment is going to be more of a thing.
We also bought a plug that is going to be for daily use. It's en route-- it could be in Opa-locka, FL, but that's just a wild guess ;).
He is expecting more, enforcing more.
We're talking more, which freaks me out on a whole new level (one of these days he is going to run for the hills, I swear). 

I need all of it but, more importantly, at this point in time, I need to know his sound mind doesn't see me as I see me, that it is really okay, and that he wants it, too.

10 comments:

  1. For me, knowing the He needs...He wants...what we have...is very important...and wonderful. It took us a long time to get there....but it is so nice to be there...if is sometimes i do forget...
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, I know we wouldn't have gotten this far if he didn't want it, but for some reason it hasn't really sunk in. I think I have been waiting for him to prove it to me, when he has been doing that all along! I just couldn't see it because of how I view myself...I think.

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  2. Misty, I totally understand what you are saying. I feel like Heron comes from a more center and stable upbringing, where I don't. But all that's ok, because in the end we balance each other out much like I am sure you and yours do. Good luck... Change can be good...very good:)

    xo

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    1. little girl, I want to be able to focus on his judgement because if I focus on mine we won't get anywhere. Lol. I just have to figure out how to do that...

      We totally balance each other out, in so many ways. So amazing how that has worked out.

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  3. Omg! So much resonates here. I'm glad He is your sound mind. Now, listen to Him.

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    1. Hs, I'm glad he is too...glad we found each other. I wouldn't be able to follow just anyone, that's for sure.

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  4. Hi Misty, sounds like good changes, especially talking more, as hard as that is. Stepping things ul more shows it's important to him too.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, (omg, auto correct did not change your name!), I think that's exactly why he is making the changes. I think we still have a long way to go, but I feel like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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  5. Talking is good - and I am sure he won't "run for the hills". He probably knows you so much better than you realise. I know my Inès worries that I will do the same. I hope though that she doesn't hate herself as you say you do. Don't hat yourself Misty. Be proud of your submission to him and all you give him.

    Loving change is a challenge that many of us find difficult. Well done. I hope all the changes bring lots of fun times!

    P xx

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    1. Pygar, I don't know why it worries me so much--he has stuck with me this long and it's clear he is in this for the long hall. It could be that I don't see how he can accept me, when I can't even accept me...

      I'm afraid it is quite difficult to be proud of what I give him. What he gives me pales in comparison to what I give him. Unfortunately, I come with a lot of baggage. This gives me great motivation to better myself though (not only does he deserve better, but I owe it myself, as well), so it's not all bad.

      Change...I could talk about change for days. :) It can be difficult, uncomfortable, and scary, even for someone like me that loves it, but it is an opportunity to grow. I shutter when I think of life becoming stagnate. Even something as simple as rearranging furniture can bring light to a dreary day. So far, this change has brought excitement and much more.

      I enjoy your blog and appreciate you taking the time to stop by!

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