Friday, October 30, 2015

Questions for You

You know how life gets busy, or something in life changes, or maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and you feel less compliant...less submissive? Well, what do you do to fix that?

Do you ask your Dominant for something? If so, what do you ask for?
Do you wait for him/her to "fix" it? If so, do you find it gets harder to deal with over time?
Is there something you do on your own to refocus? If so, what?

Less importantly, how does it make you feel? Do you ever feel resentful or do you beat yourself up? Depressed? Doubtful? Do you ignore how it makes you feel and get on with your days? Or maybe it doesn't bother you at all?

If there are any Doms reading...what are your thoughts?

Do you expect your bottom(s) to tell you so you can do something about it?
Do you want them to stay in that zone, outside of a scene?
What if you're super busy, is there some quick way to rectify the problem?
Is there something you do that prevents them from feeling less submissive in the first place?Something other than maintenance spankings.

I'm curious and would love any and all thoughts you're willing to give. :)


  1. I used to tell him when I felt that way "I'm not feeling very slavey today." And he would often do something to fix it, either verbally, or if no one was around (rare) physically. Lately though, I don't have to say anything as after that few times of telling him he picked up on my look when I get that way, and he'll proactively do something about it. If I'm just out of sorts but still feeling good and slavey then sometimes I just have to wait until the out of sorts goes away, or get busy with some chores to take my mind off it.

    1. ksst, I was really hoping I wouldn't have to say anything and he would just read my mind!

      I know he doesn't want me feeling as such and would do what he could to help, so I think once I get the asking part down we will be better off.

      Thank you for the comment.

  2. That's how it worked for us too. At first there was a need to bring it to his attention and he chose how to deal with it. Now he spots it, sometimes even before the self realization kicks in.

    The feelings around it are dependent on the reason for it happening, usually it's due to feeling overwhelmed with life, so resentment does kick in. He can always fix it though, but the longer it goes on the longer it takes to fix.

    1. dancingbarez, I have been so stressed with various life things. I did start out feeling resentful...

      I keep seeing this as a quick sand situation. The more you fight to get out, the deeper you go, but you think, "Just one more try and I'll get out!" Then you're in over your head. And all along all you had to do was ask the guy standing right there for he has to dig you out AND get you breathing.

  3. If I'm grumpy for whatever reason, be it not feeling 'slavey' or just tired, time of the month, etc, I will potter about like a small disgruntled hedgehog and he'll notice and give me extra hugs.

    If it's a struggle with slavery and all that, I sometimes blog about it- he reads, so we might discuss it.

    Generally, he give me more pain and more orgasms, works a treat.

    1. mc kitten, I used to just need an hour or so, to myself, to redirect and I was fine, so we are both in that habit. Yeah, that's not going to work anymore.

      Pain helped:)

  4. I used to try to just 'wait it out'...that never worked out well. Those voices would take over....
    I have said to Him...i need a shorter leash today, or i need to feel you dominance...that works because i am not telling Him what to do...He gets to decide. Rarely He decides to do nothing, but usually He gets be to where we both want me to be. So is not easy....but it works...
    hugs abby

    1. abby, guess I'm going to have to learn just like you. I tried so hard to just wait it out!! I keep thinking that will work.

      Thank you for the advice.

  5. This is exactly why I like rituals. I feel like they help refocus the partners each time they are performed. Also it helps to have something that can be done without assistance from the other.

    I prefer subs tell me what's going on internally rather than muddle through alone.

    1. Natali, I have a couple things I'm supposed to do everyday, but for them to have an effect I actually have to do them. Crazy, I know. I'm not sure if I stopped because I wanted him to do something about it or because I just didn't have it in me...maybe it was a little of both.

      I'm so glad you said that you prefer to know. It really helped to hear it from the other side.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

  6. We're going through this exact thing right now, but this time it has been almost a solid 4 months. Something catastrophic happened in my life and I basically got depressed and just stopped... everything. We've been openly communicating and will be starting nearly from the bottom and working back towards our goals... slowly. Consistency is key.

    I think it takes both partners to bring it back - I can refocus, but without him there to dominate and take that control, it falls flat.

    1. Lea, I'm really sorry life dealt you a terrible card! Coming back from depression takes time...

      I was really hoping there was something I could do on my own. I feel like I'm being such a pain.

      Thanks for the comment!

  7. To all of you:

    I wanted to let you know that I REALLY appreciate all of your comments and I will respond to all of you individually as soon as I can--my head is just too muddled up at the moment.

    Thanks for being patient with me :)

  8. Communication is always so important. Good communication. If you are waiting for him to "fix it" then it may not get fixed if he is not clear about the problem. You don't take your car to the mechanic ald leave it there just saying "fix it". You describe what the problem is as best you can.

    Talk about it. Communicate. Then when he has all the information trust him to fix it for you.

    If he can - he will.

    Good luck

    P xx

    1. Pygar, your comment really made me stop and think. I knew I wasn't doing a good job at describing the problem, but I still wanted him to get it, which isn't fair. There is definitely a difference in communication and good communication, I just failed to see that.

      I came up with a lot of excuses not to talk. It's just so hard! And scary.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! It, along with the others, helped to point me in the right direction.

  9. We have just re-started our journey ,and this happened to me yesterday.

    I really find blogging helps, as does reading other blogs.

    My blog is private because that is the way Sir prefers it.

    It is feels easier to not talk about things, but I find they fester and I start to feel worse. Emailing or blogging is an easy "out" - you get help without saying it "out loud"

    I like the saying "I need a short leash today" I am going to take that one on board.

    Hope you are feeling more grounded soon.


    1. Jess, thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I really do love seeing new people around here. :)

      Boy, are you right! I went on far too long without talking to him about it, I started feeling it days before I wrote this and it escalated to a horrible level a couple days after. I kept thinking I could deal with it on my own. Writing is so much easier for me than talking, but he wants me talking...he reads here and will sometimes bring up what I wrote about, but for the most part he waits for me to talk. I've tried to change his mind about this, but he won't budge!

      I do hope you stop by again, and if he ever lets you go public, I hope you let me know.

      Oh, and thank you, I'm firmly grounded now--tree like. :)


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