I'm beyond confused.
I don't know if it's me. I don't know if it's him. I don't know if it's us.
I can't do it anymore.
Every month, I fall. Every month.
Okay, I only made it about six months back before I couldn't take it anymore. I know there have been many more falls...
The last fall was a bad one. Sometimes I can hold it together, this time I couldn't.
I can't handle it anymore. It shouldn't happen every effing month! It shouldn't, but it does.
It's not PMS. It's not a feather knocking me in the head or the wind blowing the wrong way.
There is more to the pattern, but I'm not going to talk about it. I'm too emotional and lacking logic...in other words, my judgment is cloudy.
I'm not doing anything that could lead to a fall.
Which is pretty much everything I love about D/s.
I wouldn't let him tie me up or use the cane.
When he mentioned the mess in the house, I told him he could pick it up.
When he told me to take my pants off, I told him I didn't want to and I didn't.
If he wanted to punish me, I wouldn't let him.
I do put on the collar every night and the plug in every day, but only because I don't want him to think I'm forcing his hand. I'm not defiant.
Basically, I'm starving my submission. I know it won't ever go away, but I can stomp it back down to a seed.
It's better than falling.
Yes, it is that bad.