Friday, January 29, 2016

Enjoying, not Over-Thinking

He didn't take me downstairs, but he did use the cane...and the big dildo made an appearance...as did the magic wand.

I'm totally out of practice. (Yes, being a whore takes practice!)

He didn't seem to have a problem getting back to it. Humph. ;)

It was painful, but I really liked it when he made me hold my position--on all fours and, more importantly, back arced (so he had a nice view).

It was great and I don't want to ruin it with over-thinking, so I'm not over-thinking.

Yes! I can do that! Lol.

Anyway...

His birthday is coming up so maybe hopefully there will be more of the same in the near future...




Friday, January 22, 2016

The Journey

I have appreciation. A lot of it. For a lot of things.

Family, friends, and nature would be at the top of the list. Trickling down you will find arts (of various kinds, not just the obvious), the human body and mind, chocolate, coffee, and modern day conveniences (toilets anyone?).

However, it's not just the end product that I want to appreciate, but the entire process it took to end up where it is today.

Because the journey is what makes it so special.

Though a seed holds magic, that magic means little if it is not aloud the right conditions to grow. If the sprout cannot weather storms, we would not know the tree that gives creatures a home and offers us shade on a warm summer day. If the tree had not endured, it wouldn't hold a more powerful magic than the seed it grew from.


There is beauty to be found all around us. A beauty in the journey and evolution to the present, because without the journey, today would mean very little.

We live in a time of convenience. There are not many tangible things we have to work hard for, except money. We want apple juice, we go to the store and buy it--we don't have to grow, press and strain the apples. We can buy a complete dinner, fully cooked and ready to eat, in a matter of minutes--we don't have to forage, hunt, build a fire, and so on. You want a book? Easy, download it--no need to wait for hand written words and hand bound pages (or if you want to get technical, hand bound text blocks).

It is easy to forget the process when it is so readily available.

I have taken little time appreciating the journey, my own and those taken before me, in many areas of my life. I hurry through one thing, only to hurry through the next, giving myself no time to smell the roses and drink the sun. I focus on what I want to be in the end and completely miss the enjoyment in getting there.

Of course this also applies to my relationship with Daddy. How could it not?

In many ways it feels like we began two and a half years ago, and I guess it might have been the start of Daddy and slave, but it was not the start of our journey. The years before made the present possible.

Maybe those were the days of our seed, and these are the days when our sprout endures the storms, so that we may have shade on a warm summer day in the future.

Either way, we hold magic and today is worth appreciating.




Monday, January 18, 2016

It's Okay...Really, it is!

One problem with keeping a journal is that you know how long it has been. Am I right, or am I right?

I know how long it has been since he has taken me downstairs. I know the last time he punished me. I could probably go back and find the last time The Box was opened (well, aside from the vibrating plug he told me to get out a few days ago), but I don't want to know.

It has been a long time. Like forever.

I bet you think I'm hanging onto the end of my rope. Don't lie, it's okay, I would assume the same.

You might, or might not, remember I was the one turning him down (I believe the word I used was "refusing"). That's how it started.

Now...

I want it. I miss it terribly.

But...

I still don't know if I'm ready for that.

Don't get me wrong, we are still us (Dominant and submissive), but in a lighter, more comfortable setting.
I still wear the plug everyday...unless he tells me not to wear it because he wants my ass tight for him. :)
I still put on the collar and leash...unless the kids stay up late and I'm beyond tired, and therefore forget.
I'm trying to be more mindful of what I can do for him...not that I'm doing a great job, but at least I'm trying!
I'm on my knees almost every night.
There's more, of course, little and big doings and going-ons that have become normal, which makes them harder to point out.

I don't think I've ever seen him so stressed. I mean, it is bad. All a result of life stuff, not us stuff. I believe this to be another factor in why I'm not freaking out. There's just more important stuff going on, you know?

And because there was a time when I would be at the end of my rope, in these same circumstances, I can't help but wonder, why not now, what changed.

Come on, you didn't really think I wouldn't over-think this, did you?!




Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Seriously Awesome, A Chance for Growth

Bleue (private blog) left a link for me in the comments on my last post, and I just now made the time to watch it.

There's no way I could go on without sharing it with you.

Hope you watch it. :)

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en


Monday, January 4, 2016

Leery

I've hesitated writing visiting here. Not sure why. Maybe because I feel super vulnerable and this place has the potential to make me feel even more so, and I don't want that. But, what do I know, could be anything really.

I'm very leery of moving forward, however we are moving forward.

I think it's just hard to accept how much I need this, you know? Even harder to admit to it...

We had a night without kids (and I screwed it up), I cried a lot and talked a lot, and then it got better. Nonetheless, we needed a kid-free night.

He changed the hours that I'm supposed to wear my plug and I now have to put on the leash with the collar.
I'm not allowed to mope, either (I will do my best, but no promises).
I also learned that the crop does not feel good on my feet--not that I thought it would, but you know.
It is a possibility that he will start reading my journal. I'm not sure how to feel about that. I mean, it's not like there's stuff in there I want to hide from him, but...I don't know. I'm sure it would help.

I'm just leery.

Anyway...

This is where I'm at.