One problem with keeping a journal is that you know how long it has been. Am I right, or am I right?
I know how long it has been since he has taken me downstairs. I know the last time he punished me. I could probably go back and find the last time The Box was opened (well, aside from the vibrating plug he told me to get out a few days ago), but I don't want to know.
It has been a long time. Like forever.
I bet you think I'm hanging onto the end of my rope. Don't lie, it's okay, I would assume the same.
You might, or might not, remember I was the one turning him down (I believe the word I used was "refusing"). That's how it started.
I want it. I miss it terribly.
I still don't know if I'm ready for that.
Don't get me wrong, we are still us (Dominant and submissive), but in a lighter, more comfortable setting.
I still wear the plug everyday...unless he tells me not to wear it because he wants my ass tight for him. :)
I still put on the collar and leash...unless the kids stay up late and I'm beyond tired, and therefore forget.
I'm trying to be more mindful of what I can do for him...not that I'm doing a great job, but at least I'm trying!
I'm on my knees almost every night.
There's more, of course, little and big doings and going-ons that have become normal, which makes them harder to point out.
I don't think I've ever seen him so stressed. I mean, it is bad. All a result of life stuff, not us stuff. I believe this to be another factor in why I'm not freaking out. There's just more important stuff going on, you know?
And because there was a time when I would be at the end of my rope, in these same circumstances, I can't help but wonder, why not now, what changed.
Come on, you didn't really think I wouldn't over-think this, did you?!