Monday, February 29, 2016

Inquire Here

March is Q & A month, did you know? It's totally fun and, if you have a blog of your own, please do think of playing along.

Here's how it works...

You ask me a question, any question, from now until the last day of March, and I answer. 

There are exceptions (isn't there always?), I'm not going to tell you where I live, or his name, or anything along those lines, but besides that I'll do my best. 

If you're interested in the past two Q & A's I have participated in, you can start here (you'll have to go into April for all my answers) and here

Now all I need is your questions. Please don't leave me hangin'. :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Going from Bitch to Willing Whore...How do You do it?

So, I have this problem.

Why do I get the feeling you're not surprised?

Let's take today for example.

I woke up in an okay mood, ready to start the day, ready to get shit done. I got shit done.

I was looking forward to tonight, because he said to me, "Don't wear your plug. I've got plans for you."

And most of the day was good. I managed well. I cleaned and worked. I fed everyone--made some pretty good chicken tortilla soup, especially for my first time, and tried out a new bread recipe (oat and wheat). Took the kids to swimming lessons.

But, here we are, towards the end of the day and I'm bitchy. Like "just leave me the fuck alone" bitchy.

The loaf of bread didn't turn out how it was supposed to. The kids are tired (swimming does that) and whiny, and I'm ready to throw them out the freaking window. I kinda want to throw him out too...

As I type, the little one is crying because she can't find the lid to a jar, the oldest wants to buy some stupid app, and he wants my thoughts on something I know nothing about.

Can't a girl have a five minute fucking coffee break?!

All I want to do is nothing. I don't want him to "have plans for me". If someone asks me for one more thing, I might cry. Seriously, I'm right there.

Just...let me go to bed!

But, you see, part of me wants nothing more than to be tied up (because it's been too fucking long) and treated like I deserve.

How do I deserve to be treated?

Well, that's up to him, but if it was left to me, it would be unfair, in a most fair way, if that makes sense.

Not that he plans on tying me up. Who knows what he wants to do...

I digress.

After a day like today, I can't help but wonder if I can manage that, you know? I get so wound up and stressed out from the day, then I put all this pressure on myself to get it right...

I've been here before and totally failed at the whole sex slave thing (or whatever you want to call it)--it would be nice to avoid that, as I feel a massive amount of guilt for days afterwards.

I just can't seem to switch gears, even when I want to...

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Snow is Melting

And everything is brown and muddy. And I love it.
We've even had sun and, despite our highs still being the 30°'s, it is warming in more ways than one.
I'm ready for flowers, plants, and buzzing life in our garden. 
I'm ready to feel the warmth of summer!

I've also been on a mission, I'm determined to be more self-sufficient in the kitchen. I'm not a Suzy Homemaker, but I am capable and, besides, it makes me feel good.

I made my own egg noodles, by hand, for turkey noodle soup. They worked! A pasta maker might be in my future. :)
I also made bread. I would post a picture if it was a little prettier but, damn, it's good. We really don't need to talk about the first attempt, do we? (If your yeast happens to be a couple years old, it probably won't work, just FYI.) Here's the recipe, if you're interested.

Oh yeah, and the nipple clamps went on for the first time in three months. It hurt like hell, but I managed just fine, thank you very much. :)

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Better When Utilized

And if that makes me a whore, so be it.

It's not just when I do things he notices or not--when I do them on the chance that it might make him happy or his life easier.

It's not solely when he pushes me down so he can use my mouth, or when the collar goes on, or when he won't let me turn off the wand after I come so hard I can't see straight.

It's knowing I've done it all. That I've been utilized. That I've served a purpose for him in my day and night.

Those are the days that fill me up so he can drink me in, in whatever way he wants.
Those are the days that give me strength to share my problems and show him my darkness.
Those are the days when I live.

And if that makes me His whore, bring it on.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Could be Worse

I'm trying to stick with a once a week post, even though I don't really feel like writing.

It's this foul mood I'm in.

I mean it is taking some serious effort to not kick people. It's not their fault, they haven't changed, it's me.

I'm disappointed in myself and taking it out on others. Thankfully, I see this and I'm keeping all hands and feet where they belong, unfortunately my mouth isn't holding up as well...but it could be worse!

So you already know how I haven't really been all that confident in my ability to do...stuff, right? Well, it just keeps getting worse.

I've lost excitement. Seriously, it's gone.

I do what I can, get through the day, and do it all again the next day. I'm hanging on just fine, it's just...I don't know...whatever.

Anyway, I'm sure with time everything will work itself out.