Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Just Coffee?

It is so simple that it feels kinda silly that it would have any kind of impact. I mean, it's just coffee.

Before, I made his coffee every once in awhile--a few times a week. It was nice to be able to do it for him, but it made no difference in my day. 

Now, however, I've made it everyday, circumstances be damned, for over a week (eleven days, but who's counting). 

He has gotten up before me a couple of times and I knew he would make the coffee. I was so certain that I started feeling unneeded. Ahem, anyway... To my surprise, he came back just to tell me to get up and make the coffee.

"Go make coffee." 

Those words have been a great start to my day, they might even be better than the coffee itself... but let's not get carried away. 

I think it just gets me in the right mindset before I have time to let anything else in, you know? 

I guess it's not just coffee, it is coffee with a splash of meaning.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Answers for abby: Limits and Punishments

Keep those questions coming!

The last set of questions comes from abby...

Have the two of you ever discussed hard limits, agreed on some? Have you ever suggested anything new to try....

Is punishment always a spanking...or sometimes being deprived of something or...

Limits... We have talked about doing things and not doing things, but not in great detail. We're not ever going to do anything with feces, animals, or children.
I really don't like the idea of limits, or maybe it's just the word itself that I don't like. It just seems so limiting, you know? :) I like options. The way I see it: when you label something as a limit, especially a hard one, it only takes away from the list of possibilities that make life exciting. That's not to say I'm willing or capable of doing it all, it's just that I like to keep doors open. Who knows, I might hate something today but love it tomorrow.

And yes, I have gave some (specific) suggestions for new things. :) 

Punishment... Nope, it's not always a spanking. 
I don't know if verbal correction can be considered punishment, but it can be really harsh. Sometimes, it's the worst.
When I forget my collar (which isn't often) he won't say anything about it, he also won't touch me or use me.
The other day when I forgot my plug, he crammed his cock down my throat, gagging me over and over in a not-at-all-nice way, until he came on my face. (He'll also do this when I'm not in trouble, but he is a lot nicer about it all.)
He's grounded me from the computer and iPad.
I know there's more, but you get the idea, right?

Monday, March 7, 2016

A Need to Feel It

I haven't felt like a slave for months now. Honestly, I haven't felt like much of anything, besides a mess.

It all started with a fall that left me in a million pieces. Then, I kept refusing him.
I'm sure it made him question everything.
I was questioning everything. I struggle, a lot.

I convinced myself I could do without. I did enough to get by--I kept putting the plug in and my collar on, we had sex, I kept my head above the water. I was so tired of being so much work for him and I was determined to change. I did a pretty good job.


Time past and I began to feel like a fake. I wanted to change the blog name like a million times, because it made me mad sad every time I saw it. It got to the point that I felt like crying when I read other blogs, so I kept that to a minimum.

I consider myself a slave because that's what he says I am and I believe it because I feel it at my core. It has nothing to do with how we play or how he controls me. When I quit feeling like a slave, it's like I have something in my chest clawing to get out, and it's always fucking there.

I am his, nothing will change that, but (apparently) I need to feel it.

I can only take that clawing feeling for so long. It's annoying and it eats me up.

So we talked.

He thought I didn't really want to be controlled and I thought he didn't want to control me (because he seemed happy).
And, you know, it's hard to lead someone when they don't seem to follow and it's hard to follow when you think you don't have a leader.

Obviously, it boils down to no communication and a very confused me.

He has let me make his coffee since we talked.
I forgot to wear my plug yesterday and he let me know that it mattered (he enjoyed letting me know that it mattered and doesn't mind if I keep forgetting. (I didn't forget it today.))
Small steps, but there has been a shift in the air.
I feel like I'm ready to give up on being something I'm not.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Answer for Amy: Timely Punishments

Next question comes from Amy...

My question is, do you believe punishment must be dealt with immediately and if so, how have you handled a house full or a time when you weren't alone but needed correction?

I most definitely do not believe a punishment needs to happen directly after an infraction. I mean, if you can work it out that way, then that's great, but we don't live on the other side of the rainbow.

Let me explain a little further.

In my eyes, punishment should come when we have the time but, more importantly, when he is ready--maybe that's hours later, maybe days, and maybe it never happens.

The latter is a hard pill to swallow, one I've had to swallow many times. Had I not got some great advice from a couple friends, it would have taken me much longer to get it down.

Correction comes from knowing what I did wrong and change happens when I have a need (or want) to change, not by his hand or other means to that end. He could punish me time and time again for something, but I won't change until I really want to change. (Though somethings, no matter how much we want to change, just keep happening because we're human; e.g. slips in behavior.)

And, punishments are not something I should expect. It's not my choice.

I get a lot out of punishments (I really, really want them to be a part of our dynamic), but they don't necessarily need to happen, at all.

Thanks for the question, Amy, it was nice to think back and see how I've changed my perspective.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Answers for Jz: A Year for Dreams and a Super Me

Jz, had a couple great questions to ponder...

You have one year to magically put everything in your life on hold while you pursue a dream.
What do you do?

What would your superhero name be?
(bonus: describe your outfit)

The first one wasn't so easy at first thought, but then it sunk in that I only had a year, definitely not enough time to go back to school and get a degree or anything like that.

Let's fast forward about six years (hey, if I can magically put life on hold, I can magically fast forward, right?), I would then love to travel with the family. Swim in oceans, climb mountains (not big ones), eat crazy good food and surprisingly bad food, relax by oceans and pools, roast marshmallows, float rivers, play boardgames and do puzzles at night. To have an entire year to experience the world with my family would be the ultimate dream come true.

The second question took me a bit longer. I think to have a superhero name you have to first come up with a superhero power, and I don't picture myself leaping over buildings or smashing through walls to catch bad guys. I could be the super mom, able to breakup fights in a blink of an eye and cook meals with my laser eyes, but I have enough mom-ing in my life.

So... I came up with the name Aletheia (from the Greek Goddess of Truth). I'm able to gaze into the eyes of criminals and extract the truth out of them. No need for interrogation, just let me at 'em, and I'll get the idiots to spill the beans about who killed who, or where they hid the loot, or who's masterminding an epidemic. It kinda goes without saying but, I'd also have to be a fully trained ninja and bulletproof.

I'd wear sunglasses, of course, because I wouldn't want to unleash my power accidentally on the innocent, who deserve their secrets. I think a black coat, about thigh length and a high collar, would do just fine. Black skinny jeans because I wouldn't want anything to block the view of my red stilettos, the star of the show. Obviously, they would have to be the most comfortable pair of stilettos (never) made, 'cause I can't be worried about getting blisters or aching ankles when saving the world.

Thanks, Jz, for the questions, they were fun. :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Answers for mc kitten: Toys

Isn't it nice to see a jump in posts?! That's why I love this month.

Anyway, mc kitten asks...

I'd like to know what your favourite toy is at the moment, and what toy you guys don't already have that you'd like to get.

Okay, so this is probably going to sound a bit sad but, I don't really have a favorite at the moment. I'm incredibly unbiased, however, I won't leave you with that...

The anal hook was awesome. It's scary looking and intimidating, and if you do an image Google search...yikes! But, it's not really that scary and it can be used in so many ways, you don't even have to use rope. Trust me, a finger through the loop can be super fun.

Can an implement be a toy? If it can, I've always wanted to feel a flogger. A leather one.

Thanks, mc kitten for the questions!!