Tuesday, April 26, 2016

If You Give a Slave a Blog and Two Kids

I'm in another blogging funk. I sit to write and my mind starts to wonder.

You know how it goes, right?

You open a blank page and wait for inspiration to smack you. The curser blinks and blinks, and when it turns blurry you glance out the window and admire the green grass and plants coming to life. Then, you look down and see that you need to sweep (for the 10th time, and it's not even 2pm), which turns into sweeping half the house (wood floors are awesome like that). You end by a bathroom that needs to be cleaned today (and it's almost 2pm, so you better get it done), and as you're doing all this you write posts in your head that end with baking bread...which reminds you that you haven't eaten lunch.

Have you ever read If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, by Laura NumeroffIt's a lot like that, but this book would be called, If You Give a Slave a Blog and Two Kids.

I haven't been reading blogs either...

I'll get back in the swing of things.

I just need to put some clothes in the drier first.

And clean out that closet.

And I probably should pull some weeds before they get too bad...

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Damn Him

I am in a bad mood. It was worse before he left me kid free and made me use the wand...

I didn't want to use it! I didn't want to come or take pictures! I wanted to be in my mood, thank you very much. I tried to get out of it.

"Don't you want me to be happy?" He asked.

Damn him. 

I didn't want to, but I came twice. I guess once wasn't enough...

It is so frustrating that this scheme of his works.

Oh, just make Misty come and she'll be happier.

Damn him.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Clearing the Mind By Way of Hook

I suspect he read my last post, 'cause I didn't ask and he did more.

When I got out of the shower the wrist cuffs and anal hook were laying on the bed.

Awwwww, for me?! 

He let me put in the hook (because he was being nice), then he tied it to me with the soft blue rope and put my cuffs on.

My brain turns gooey in those moments, what about you? 

He wanted to watch the latest episode of Vikings so he told me I could put some clothes on--which turned out to be a shirt and underwear. I have a couple t-shirts that are too tight, which I would never, ever be caught wearing in public, of course he loves them--it was the light blue one that he picked out.

Sitting was a comical challenge.

Then, there was nipple clamps, the plastic cane thing (we acquired from one of the kid's toys), the magic wand, pussy slapping, lots of pussy slapping, and ended with him coming on my "good girl tongue" and down the side of my face (which he gets a kick out of...damn him! Lol)

A "good girl tongue" is a tongue that sticks out waiting, in case you were wondering.

And, as you can imagine, I feel like a new person today. :)

I have no problem telling him when I'm hungry or when I want a new pair of jeans, however when it comes down to sharing what I want within D/s, it becomes complicated, justifiably so. It's difficult sharing my desires, heck it's difficult having desires--I had (what I thought was) good reasons for hiding them. 
It's kinda painful changing the way I think...

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I Don't Want to Ask!

I can ask, he might even like me to ask (I don't really know), I just don't want to.

There are a lot of little problems with asking and there is one huge problem with not asking. 

By asking, I put myself out there, and what if he turns me down? I mean, if he wanted it, wouldn't he do it? If he'd rather be doing something else, I sure don't want to be the one to stop him.
Or what if he thinks I'm not ready or capable...or something? It's a reasonable possibility. 
Or what if he already has plans and I just need to be patient? 
What if I ask and it comes out all wrong? (Oh the horror!)
And, I love being dominated. If I ask, it takes away from that, and I want more!! 
When I think of asking, I feel like...it goes against what I want to be. Or maybe I just feel fucked up for wanting more...

Deep down I know it's okay for me to want. This could be a need (it's hard to tell with these things)--I don't like needing.

If I don't ask, it builds. It's already up to my neck. I feel like screaming, and crying. I'm second guessing everything...okay, that's a lie, I'm overthinking everything. I'm also afraid of falling...

It's so confusing. 

He's not completely ignoring me. I have gotten a little every night, which is a lot more than some people. I should be fine. But I'm not.

I don't even know what to ask for! Not exactly. 

My mom is coming this weekend to visit, which means I won't get my normal fix (or maybe this time will be different?) and I'm kinda freaking out. 

Friday, April 1, 2016

Limits and Lack Of

All the possibilities that limits hold can be a bit scary, especially when you come across a list with a thousand ways that one could push your limits, and you've only tried two. Limits can be a safety net or a means to freedom. There are many opinions about limits floating around, I can't tell you if they're right or wrong, but I can tell you mine.

Of course, these things are different for couples in established, previously non-kinky, relationships than it is for single people looking for a partner(s). I can't really speak for the latter, but I could see a list of limits acting as a "get to know me" questionnaire (Do you like long walks on the beach or a cabin in the mountains?  Do you like being bound or to inflict pain?). Which is kinda handy, if you ask me. As for the other, it can be a nice way to find out where each partner stands, however, sometimes, taking it slowly, letting things evolve as they will, might be a better option than filling out such a daunting list. 

Using limits outside of a questionnaire (i.e. giving up your limits) seems to be a limit itself, does it not? It can be a difficult thing to do. 

I think thoughts can become "cloudy" when dealing with the limitless. People like to pick this thing apart. Sometimes it turns into, "Oh yeah, limitless, you say? Well, would you let him cut off your arm?" And, "Would you dive in front of a moving train if she asked you to?" *palm to forehead* What I wanna know is, who wants to cut off arms?! And, why in the world would someone want their partner to risk their life?

I know there are also people that can do it all, and that somehow makes them better than those who won't.... Pride can make you ugly, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

When I say Daddy decides the limits, I'm not saying I will never say no or that I will do it all on the drop of a dime. What I am saying is that, I always want to say yes and I trust him. To me, it is a commitment of what I want to be for him. Daddy is the same man I've been with for fourteen years, he is not going to morph into a monster because I've committed to this--he would never want to damage me. He deserves more and I happen to be in a position to give him more, and that's that.