Friday, April 1, 2016

Limits and Lack Of

All the possibilities that limits hold can be a bit scary, especially when you come across a list with a thousand ways that one could push your limits, and you've only tried two. Limits can be a safety net or a means to freedom. There are many opinions about limits floating around, I can't tell you if they're right or wrong, but I can tell you mine.

Of course, these things are different for couples in established, previously non-kinky, relationships than it is for single people looking for a partner(s). I can't really speak for the latter, but I could see a list of limits acting as a "get to know me" questionnaire (Do you like long walks on the beach or a cabin in the mountains?  Do you like being bound or to inflict pain?). Which is kinda handy, if you ask me. As for the other, it can be a nice way to find out where each partner stands, however, sometimes, taking it slowly, letting things evolve as they will, might be a better option than filling out such a daunting list. 

Using limits outside of a questionnaire (i.e. giving up your limits) seems to be a limit itself, does it not? It can be a difficult thing to do. 

I think thoughts can become "cloudy" when dealing with the limitless. People like to pick this thing apart. Sometimes it turns into, "Oh yeah, limitless, you say? Well, would you let him cut off your arm?" And, "Would you dive in front of a moving train if she asked you to?" *palm to forehead* What I wanna know is, who wants to cut off arms?! And, why in the world would someone want their partner to risk their life?

I know there are also people that can do it all, and that somehow makes them better than those who won't.... Pride can make you ugly, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

When I say Daddy decides the limits, I'm not saying I will never say no or that I will do it all on the drop of a dime. What I am saying is that, I always want to say yes and I trust him. To me, it is a commitment of what I want to be for him. Daddy is the same man I've been with for fourteen years, he is not going to morph into a monster because I've committed to this--he would never want to damage me. He deserves more and I happen to be in a position to give him more, and that's that. 





19 comments:

  1. I agree! We don't have 'limits'. That being said, I didn't suddenly wake up with a stranger either, ( he might think he did some days LOL). There are things that I am not particularly fond of. There are things I think are disgusting, and fortunately so does he ( so no worry there). There are things that I once thought, " OH HELL NO" but life has a way of changing and so do people.

    I think I have said here before, I am generally more adventurous than my husband. I would hate to stifle his creativity by expressing a bunch of limitations I have in my head. (um again? no one is perfect LOL). I have reached the same stage where you are. I WANT to do what he asks of me. Am I always successful after the first time he informs me? I'd be lying if I said I have not hesitated. However those times I have hesitated, and then 'did' or was let's say 'forced' to, have actually caused the greatest growth in me.....eventually.

    willie

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    1. willie, lol, yeah, me too. There are a few (ahem) things that I have changed my mind about. They just didn't seem so crazy after I had a little taste of this and that... it gave me a different perspective, I guess.

      I think this is one of the hardest things for a couple trying to switch to this lifestyle. We're both trying to build confidence and we're looking at each other for the "right" response...sometimes the right response doesn't come until later and sometimes later is too late. Live and learn!!

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  2. Limits...I like your way of looking at them. I always thought of them as a fluid things....they change as your grow and trust and become more comfortable. If Master had given my one of those check lists when we first met, there would have been many more nos than yesses....and I am sure we have now done many of those nos...some often..others rarely.
    I want to follow His lead, i trust that He would never harm me...I am His...why would He do that...good post.
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, I tried to get him to fill out one of those lists! He wouldn't and I couldn't get him to budge on it either, it drove me crazy. Lol. *shrugs shoulders* I'm a curious person.

      Exactly, why would they want to harm us?! What good would that do?

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  3. Hi Misty,

    I have been awol from blogland for some time and just now getting back to visiting some blogs. Thank you so much for your lovely email, I will reply soon.

    Great thought provoking post, you got me pondering, I'm with Abby, I have always thought of limits being fluid and changing as we evolve and grow as a couple.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, it is SO nice to see you here!

      I'm with you two, I like to keep doors open, just in case. However, walking through those doors is an entirely different story! ;)

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  4. I loved this. And you've hit the nail on the head when you say Daddy would never want to damage you. Because my daddy wouldn't want to hurt me either. well, hurt-pain-for-him maybe yes, but not the bad kind of hurt.

    And it's so true when you say you didn't wake up with a stranger either. The fact is, in order to have gotten here in the first place, there must already be a huge amount of trust and respect.

    Thanks for sharing this post!

    Cheers.

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    1. Fondles, so nice to see you blogging again!

      I think some people totally miss *why* one is able give up their limits and put all the focus on *what* they're are doing. It's like you say, there's already a huge amount of trust and respect before you get to that point.

      Thank *you* for taking the time to comment!

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  5. Great post! There's too much focus on extreme limits in these debates and not on the care given my the dominant.

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    1. Thank you, DF! We are in agreement. :)

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  6. Hey Misty,
    That's truly wonderful you trust your Master enough to let go. Only time can show you that it's ok to do that and he won't hurt you :)

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    1. Daisy, it is wonderful, I'm so lucky!

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  7. Great post, and this is very much where we are now. Trust develops over time as does the willingness and ability to do as they wish win the way that wish.

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    1. julie, I wonder from time to time why we didn't find ttwd sooner, maybe I needed all that time to build a huge foundation of trust??
      I'm still working on the willingness thing ;)

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  8. Agree with you. I am a submissive husband and we are both into pain play (that is, her inflicting pain one me). We don't have any spelled out limits, safe words, etc. I distinctly remember one session where she was inflicting a bit more pain than I "wanted", and I told her that it was a bit too much. In the heat of the moment, she basically told me she didn't want to hear it and she kept going. She had expertly taken me over my pain threshold, going over and back to where I felt was my limit. It was a fantastic experience, and I'm glad she didn't back away. I felt like I was in a trance. I think that was the first time I was truly in "sub-space". It was as if I was paralyzed. But it also felt like a truly bonding experience to trust my wife to that extent.

    I am much stronger than my wife and could simply pull away from her. She sees how excited I get from this (when aroused, my pain threshold goes through the roof!) and I don't for a minute doubt that she loves me and does not want to *really* hurt me. She is a loving soccer mom and wouldn't hurt a fly. I suppose that's another part of the appeal, like we're living a double life :-)

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    1. lovetosubmit, thank you for the great example!

      It is the same for me, as well. He loves me and has proven that he takes this stuff very seriously. If I had any doubt there would be limits, many of them. I'm really into bondage, but I don't think I would like it as much as I do with anyone else.

      The double life is thrilling!

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    2. Thrilling it must be..............

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